Three months

Three months without my best friend. Three months since the boys have seen their Dad.  Three months of not knowing why this has happened. Three months of trying to understand and to still see the good in life.  Three months of having a family of four on earth, instead a family of six.

It's hard to believe that three months can go so fast. I thought it would be the opposite. 

Simone has been so awesome in taking Kobe for me a whole day once a fortnight. It happened to fall on the anniversary of the day Aaron passed away, so it was nice to have some time to myself today.    She made me laugh as she pulled up with her Bunnings t-shirt on as we have a bit of a joke going about Bunnings and she knew it would make me smile.

I enjoyed the quiet time getting some jobs done, and then lying in the sun reading, and had a lovely treatment by a beautiful woman Mary who has been so kind since Aaron passed away.   I have been very spoilt this week and also had an amazing massage by Rose who has also been so kind to me since Aaron passed away. I feel very blessed to have so many people show so much kindness to me.

I headed to the cemetery to have some quiet time at Aaron and Noah's graves while the boys were at school and Kobe was with Simone.  I was surprised to see that Aaron's grave had sunken so much from all the rain recently.  It'll still be a while until they can sew any grass seed around Aaron's area because the graves there are still settling so much unfortunately.


When I picked up Jalen from school he jumped in the car and looked terrible. I asked him what was wrong and he burst into tears and said he had the 'worst day at school ever'.  He was so upset and told me he had trouble with his friend, felt tired and weak all day and had a relief teacher for three periods and his name (of all names that he could've had!) was 'Mr King'.  He then told me he had a big talk and cry with one of the teachers and she was very lovely and supportive and talked to him about a few things that could help him at school, so that was nice to hear.   Because it was three months today since Aaron passed away I said to Jay he could buy his lunch at school for a treat.  He then said 'and the worst thing ever! They were all out of meat pies!' and then had a laugh.

We then went to pick up Harri and his Principal came over to the car to let me know that Harri had been teased by a boy about him not having a Dad.  He got into the car and I just said 'how was your day Harri' and he straight away told me that a boy he was playing football with said 'I don't care that your Dad and brother died' and then he burst into tears.

I had felt teary all day, but had held it together but seeing both of the boys so sad after school made me cry too. I hate seeing them so sad and not being able to take away the pain for them.  We went to pick up Kobe and then headed to the cemetery so we could let off some balloons together.

Jay was very emotional so Harri went over to give him a hug which was nice.  

We started to head over to Noah's grave, but Jay said he wanted to stay at Aaron's for a bit longer and have some time on his own.   I left him as I know he likes to have time alone, just to sit and cry.  I hate seeing him so upset, but I also know that it's okay for him to cry.  I reconsidered taking a photo as I walked away, but thought that in years to come it will be good to look back to see how far we have come (I hope!).

Over at Noah's grave there was a bit of a nudist behind the bushes as he needed to go 'right now!'.

He made us laugh when he came out pulling the silliest faces and moves to make us laugh.

It was nice to see Jay smile again as he picked him up to give him a hug.

Harri and Kobe love running around near Noah's grave and I don't mind them doing it as long as they don't run near or over other children's graves. It's nice to see them smile while they are up there.

We decided that because it was a tough day we needed to do something fun and of couse something that Aaron would love, so it was Maccas for tea.

I just wish Maccas could really fix everything.