This Easter feels a lot different to last year. Last Easter was our first holiday without Noah and Aaron and I still remember how hard it was. The sadness is still there this year, but the shock has worn off. It doesn't feel so overwhelming this year.
I've been looking forward to having a few days off school and work and haven't really been thinking about it being another holiday without Noah and Aaron. That was until I actually knocked off work at the end of the day. Then it hit me that we have five long days to fill in and I started to feel really sad. When we are in a routine things are so much easier.
The teacher I work with gave me an Easter treat today. I was feeling sorry for myself after work, so when I sat in the sunroom and watched Ellen and decided to eat the whole thing, there and then! I was regretting it when I still felt sick two hours later!
I found some lovely eggs to hang on Noah's tree and also some eggs that could be put in his vase near his plaque.Mum had also put a lovely little rabbit ornament there last week.
Aaron's grave is looking very ugly and bare at the moment, because they have levelled off his row to put down some top soil, so they can lay some grass seed. I can't wait until they do because it will look so much nicer. It's strange not seeing humps of dirt where the graves are.
This picture makes me sad. Little boys shouldn't be decorating their Dad's grave for Easter. They should be going on Easter egg hunts with him and coming to our family Easter get together with us.
This week the boys and I have been talking a lot about the real meaning of Easter and how lucky we are to know that we will be with Aaron and Noah again, but it doesn't mean that we don't feel sad and don't miss them every day. It's never going to be the same without them.