Yesterday I felt quite teary all afternoon, knowing that it would've been Noah's 13th birthday today. It's often that the lead up to the day is actually harder than the day, and I found that to be true today. This morning I woke up thinking a lot about Noah, but I knew that I was going to cope okay with the day. I had to work until lunch time and the kids I work with always cheer me up anyway, so I was glad that I had to work half a day.
After school we went and got thirteen balloons and went up to the cemetery to let them go.
I grabbed a sponge cake at the supermarket on the way home, and the boys thought it was the best cake ever! Kobe was freaked out by the sparkler on the top which cracked us up.
At tea time Kobe said we should make a video for Noah's birthday. I said that was a nice idea but forgot about it until he went to bed. Then he reminded me again and said he wanted to make a video for Noah. This is what he wanted to say. When he finished it, he started crying and said 'I didn't want to say anything about Daddy, because I miss him the most'.
During the week Jay said that he's forgetting what it is like to have a brother with a disability. I asked him what he could remember, and he said he remembered a lot of days when Noah would cry all day, and the suction machine going all the time.
I am the opposite to Jay. I am forgetting all the things like what it was like to get his meds ready every day, and how hard it was to care for him at times, but remember the way that he made us feel when we were with him.