Saturday, 26 May 2012

Four Months Without You

Hi Honey,
It's hard to believe that we haven't seen you for four months. It's hard to believe that you are really gone and are never coming back. We miss you so much. The days are so long without you.  At night I just go to bed early because there is nothing else to do, so I try to sleep so I don't miss you so much.

The boys are doing okay. Harri is actually pretty good. He seems quite happy and is enjoying school and footy. He keeps saying that Friday nights aren't the same without you watching Friday Night Footy with him.

Jay is slowly getting there, but is so sad and just misses you so much. He's not the same Jay we used to know. There is a glimmer of it every now and then, but most of the time he just looks pale and sad.

Kobe is Kobe and is keeping everyone laughing. He's turned very naughty but he's lucky he's cute as it means he gets away with it most of the time.  He misses you a lot, but is happy most of the time and just enjoying life, like he always does.

We were going to release some balloons to you and Noah today but stupid me in my brain fog at the moment, threw out the wrong helium tank.   Instead of throwing out the empty one, I obviously threw out the brand new one that I bought! I could've kicked myself when I went to fill up some balloons today and there was no helium left and I realised what I had done.

Instead we picked some of the roses that you planted in the garden for Noah today and took them up to your grave.  It's still hard to believe that your body is down there.

You and Noah are what I think about all day - even if I am busy doing other things.  I wonder whether you are thinking about us all the time too, or whether you are too busy?  The boys all wrote a letter to you today and took it up to your grave.  Kobe said you couldn't read it 'cause he died', but I told him that I bet you could read it anyway.  

Kobe told me what to write and then wanted to draw his hand for you.  As you can see he's getting bigger and bigger every day.

As you can see Harri is pretty happy.  He misses you a lot, but is doing well.  He drew a picture for you of Jesus, with you and Noah in Heaven.

Dear Dad,
I really really miss you i wish you were still here life is 1000 time worse and harder when you are not around. :( I miss your jokes and how we mucked around at night. Why did you have to go? why can't you come back? I would do anything to see you again! School is terrible.  I can't get my work done. I had my comedy festivel last week that was so much fun. My YouTube channel is going well. Dad please come back with Noah i miss you very much.

Love your favourite son Jalen :(

We also went to visit Noah's grave today before heading out to Westbury so I could do a photo shoot.  The boys had lots of fun at Simon and Simone's house and didn't want to leave.  We then had tea with Pip and Ben. It was a nice day, even though it was the 26th.

I wish I understood why this is all happening. I wish I could change it. I wish you didn't have to be with Noah right now. I wish so many things, but the things I wish for the most can't happen.  Instead I just hope that the boys and I can get through this okay.

Please give Noah a big hug from me and tell him how much I love and miss him too. I wish I could see those big brown eyes and chubby cheeks and could just give him a big cuddle.
I love you and miss you so much.


  1. I needed the tissues reading this ..... it's so beautiful. Love to you Lisa ... my prayers and thoughts are with you.

  2. Oh Lisa.. Hug jenni

  3. Prayers from Brisbane for you and your beautiful boys...
    Naomi G.

  4. I read this post and wish things could be easier for Jalen. It's heartbreaking to see him suffering as he is. Perhaps this is one time when being the oldest child is a liability, because he understands the scope of death so much more.

    Of course, every one of you has to go through this your own way and in your own time, but the good thing is that you're doing it all together, and you seem to have so much respect for your children's feelings...and yours.

    I hope you can all find as much peace as possible while you are healing.

  5. Oh Lisa, I have tears streaming down my face... I am so sorry this is so hard... when you love deeply- you miss them deeply... I wish I could grant your wishes for you.xoxo!

  6. Lisa, you write from your soul. I know how you feel--I wish my David was with me as well but we have to remember the good times. Aaron was taken much too young. David had lived a good life, but not long enough for me. You seem to be able to get through each day o.k., and thank heavens for your three boys--I know they are hurting as well and it is so hard for them to understand. I wish for the four of you peace in your hearts. You do wonderful things to remember both your dear Aaron and sweet Noah. I loved the boys letters to their Dad. Just precious. Bless you, sweet Lisa.

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  8. Thinking of you guys and wish I could somehow make things go back to the way they were for you.

    Your boys are such brave little men.

  9. I don't know you, but I feel so much love for your family as I read each blog post. I work with children, and I have a lot of students that have lost a parent, some even have lost both parents, and reading about all three of your sons pain just breaks my heart more than anything. Especially Jay. I pray for you daily. Several times a day actually, but I pray for Jay's little heart to heal even more. I want nothing more then for your family to find happiness. Your blog is an amazing reminder for me to count my many blessings as I could lose one of those blessings at any moment. I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. I know that doesn't help, and I'm sure nothing I say would be any sort of help, but just know that your story is being read all the way over in California, and around the world I'm sure. My prayers are with you.
    Alyssa Wall

  10. We think of you often. Our hearts are with you as you take on the immense task of parenting and dealing with your heart break and that of the boys. I pray for your strength, that the days might begin to become home to new and different joys, that you may find peace, all of you.

  11. Still think about you.

    Every single day xxxx

  12. I sit here with a tears rolling down my cheek..praying for you all to continue on and the pain to be less!!

  13. This is beautiful.
    I am sobbing.
    Prayers for you all.
    There is a purpose, even though we don't understand it right now.

  14. Jay's letter made me ball :(
    You guys are so brave, love you lots xxxxx


We are so grateful for everyone's love and support, and appreciate your comments xoxo

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