It's days like today that I really, really wish Aaron was here. I wish he was here so he could see Jalen in his uniform as he goes off to his first day of high school. I wish he was here to help me reassure him that high school is going to be great fun, and that he is going to have some of the best years of his life there. I wish he could see how nice he looked, and how he lost all the first day nerves, when he spotted his friends in the crowd of grade 7s. I wish he was here to ask him after school how it went. I wish he was here to tell
us how his day went with the students on
their first day.
It was also Kobe's first day ever at daycare. He was so excited to be going to 'Shannon's house' and will be going there one full day and two mornings a week. He has never been in care before (either had any of the other boys) but he is going to love it, and he had the best day there today. I kept thinking all day that I wish Aaron was around so we could tell him how much fun Kobe had there, and how we don't need to worry about him.
Harri has been very anxious, sad and scared since Aaron passed away and has been really anxious about starting school. After having a think about it, and talking it over with his psychologist that he's been seeing, I decided to let him have a 'special day with Mum' today, and starting him tomorrow. The school have been so supportive and wonderful in helping me do all that it's going to take to get him happy and settled at school again.
He was very excited to have the day with me, and got to choose to do whatever he wanted,so we went and played mini golf to start with.
He kept trash talking me saying 'you're going down Mum!', but I'm afraid even as bad as I play, he went down instead.
We then headed into town and Kmart shopping and he got so spend some money on something special for himself. He was excited to get some more Lego (as it seems you can
never have enough Lego!?) and we then went and got a drink together.
At lunch time we went and picked up Kobe from daycare and then went and had lunch together - Harri's choice - Maccas (Aaron would've been proud!). I tried to take a photo after we got home of Harri putting his Lego together, but instead this cheeky face got in front of my phone!
After school Harri started swimming lessons for the year and really didn't want to go, but was happy enough once we got there, thank goodness. This single Mum business is so draining. It's only been three weeks, but it's just so hard not having Aaron to talk to or share the load with. There are so many things I just want to talk to him about, or just share with him, but I can't.
Jalen had an 'awesome' day at school which was so nice to hear. I felt sad all afternoon as I just really wanted Aaron to walk in the door so we could tell him about our day. I keep thinking ' I can't wait to tell Aaron about this' and then it hits me again and I realise that I can't tell him. I have no doubt he knows what is going on though. I just wish he was here to share it with us.
You're doing an amazing job, just brilliant. So happy to see the pictures of your day x
ReplyDeleteYou are so brave Lisa. Your boys are so lucky to have such an awesome Mum. You are in my prayers and I hope that you can keep going during this very hard time xxx
ReplyDeleteWhen my Aunty passed away suddenly,my cousin and I really wanted to share how our dancing concert went,my aunt made all our costumes,my mum suggested we write it down and then we attached the note to a balloon and sent it up to heaven.
ReplyDeleteYou are doing such an amazing job,I am in awe of how strong you are.xxxxxx
I don't know you Lisa but I am proud of you. Stay strong and keep being the beautiful Mum you are. One day at a time. Sending you love from my family to yours.
ReplyDeleteI have now been married 24 years and am so lucky to have my husband and the father of my two children by my side. He has worked away alot and I miss him then but cannot imagine what it must feel like not to be able to share those "kid" things with him. My heart breaks for you xxx
ReplyDeletewell i'm glad harri's trash talk paid off.... for you!!! :)
ReplyDeleteMy heart breaks for you! You are doing such a fantastic job. I am sure that Aaron is there spiritually, watching everything you do.
ReplyDeleteI wish Aaron had been there to share all the boys special moments today also Lisa, my heart is breaking for you everytime I read your posts. You are an amazing strong person who is doing an awesome job and your boys are so blessed to have such an inspirational Mum.x
ReplyDeleteI'm going to send you protein powder keep you revved up!! I can't imagine how tiring being a single mum would be, love you every day xxx
ReplyDeleteI hope that all the compliments and support aren't becoming redundant to you, because when I say "you are the bravest person I know", I mean that, and I want you to believe it.
ReplyDeleteYou are the bravest person I know.
xo
I think that would be the hardest thing...not sharing all those little things. We take them for granted. Your boys are beautiful and it sounds like you are doing a wonderful job. God bless xx
ReplyDeleteLisa, I think you made an incredibly wise moving keeping Harri home today and giving him some special time with you. I only wish I could be that clever in my parenting of our cherubs.
ReplyDeleteMay God continue to give you strength. We will keep up the prayers.
You are one special lady. The 3 beautiful boys are truly blessed to have you. I sit here in my chair - teasing my husband about his haircut and why didn't he get them to cut the grey out and think how lucky I am that he is here with me. I am so glad Jalen had a great 1st day of high school, Kobe enjoyed care and Harri had a great day with his mum. I love following your blog. Stay strong!
ReplyDeleteOh Lisa...YOU are such a great mum. I'm just so sorry you have to carry the load, even though I know Aaron has never left you. xxx
ReplyDeleteAaron would have been so busy today keeping up with each member of his family doing some 'firsts'. I wish he was here too for you. XX xxxx
ReplyDeleteyour boys truly are blessed to have such a beautiful mum, You are so brave and such an inspiration. my heart felt so heavy reading your wishes tonight. xxx
ReplyDeleteOh Lisa, I'm so sorry. You're doing an amazing job and will certainly have the Lord's help as you keep pushing forward. Love to you and your beautiful boys. Xoxo
ReplyDeleteYou are an amazing mother and you inspire me to be better.
ReplyDeleteHow sweet for Harri to have a special day with his mum. Those moments mean so much to children...just having time with mum and feeling loved.
The only experience I can draw on is when Chad was away and out of contact so much for work. I know it's different but I hated the single mum gig. It felt like so much pressure and so little debriefing. After a while I figured out that hand writing letters to him really really helped. I also realised that i needed physical nourishment, getting a facial really helped me relax enough to let all the pressure and "stuff" just slip away. Meditation too! There are lots of great meditations on iTunes ( the girls do a kids one every night). My nan always spoke to grandad outloud. "did you see that Les?!" she'd say. It helpers her. She'd always kiss him picture good morning and good night.
ReplyDeleteLove you Lees,
xx
H
I do tell my dad things sometimes...and I feel like he can hear me. I suspect I will do the same thing if I live longer than my husband does.
ReplyDeleteOf course, it could never be the same as "in person."
It requires much of patience and faith to wait for those reunions.
I wish it could be different for all of you and am keeping you in my prayers.
=)
Maybe you could start writing to Aaron in a special journal just for the two of you. My mother-in-law did this for a long time after her husband passed away at a young age. She found it to be a really good way to tell him all the things that were happening everyday that she would always have told him each night. Her priest suggested it to her and it really helped her in her early grieving.
ReplyDeleteI love the journal idea, may really help you keep him close.
ReplyDeleteI wish you were not having to go through this. Hugs to you.
I am endlessly impressed at your ability to keep moving and getting on with things, and helping your wee boys to do this, while trying to deal with such a devastating change. My best good thoughts to you, and hope for good things.
ReplyDeleteYou are a ray of hope in a dreary world. I have followed your story for three weeks. While my heart aches profoundly for you I cannot help but think of the beaming and smiling face that your sweet husband is showing off in heaven knowing what a wonderful wife and mother he will get to spend forever with. He is with you and watching over you and very proud of the job you are doing, I just know it. Thank you for sharing your story. My prayers are with you.
ReplyDeleteI have been reading your blog since NieNie linked to it when Aaron passed away.
ReplyDeleteYou are an amazing blogger/writer and perhaps in missing being able to talk to Aaron, you could write a journal to him? That could be your place where you "talk" and figure things out and maybe not feel so alone.
*hugs*
Aaron may not be able to answer you, but talk to him anyway. But I know what you mean--it's the physical being that is so needed. You are amazing. Just your blogging and sharing your feelings and thoughts is an inspiration. Baby steps for all of you. Sending love and hugs from Jamaica Plain, Massachusetts USA
ReplyDelete