A week and a half ago we took the boys to get the usual Santa photo taken. We were looking forward to seeing our beautiful Santa, who even came to Noah's funeral. I knew when we saw him that he didn't recognise us without Noah with us. It made me really sad, because it just showed us again how much our family isn't complete without Noah with us. I didn't say anything as it was hard enough just going there without Noah and it was really busy with lots of kids waiting to see him. He was lovely to the boys as usual, but as we watched them get their photo taken Aaron's eyes welled up with tears as he was just thinking it wasn't right without Noah in the photo, and we took off pretty quick afterwards.
This week Kobe and I were out grocery shopping and Santa was there again. Kobe wanted to go and say hi so we wen't over and I said to him 'you don't remember me do you?'. He looked and I said 'I'm Noah's Mum'.
He straight away realised and felt terrible that he didn't know. I told him that we came the week before with the boys too and it was really busy so we didn't get to let him know it was us, and he said he felt awful that he didn't realise. I told him it was okay as it's hard without seeing the wheelchair and Noah, as we're easy to recognise when we have the wheelchair with us. He said he felt bad as he had been waiting for us and even the photographer told us that he had mentioned Noah. It was nice to see him, but I hate this photo as it's just not the same without Noah in it too.
I have been thinking all week how hard this week is. Everyone is so excited because school is finishing and it's almost Christmas, and even the boys are excited which is nice, but Aaron and I are wishing it was anything but Christmas.
Aaron has been posting lots of old photos of Noah on his memorial page on Facebook so I thought I'd put them all together in a clip. Just as the song says 'it just don't feel like Christmas' without Noah with us this year.