Sunday, 25 December 2011

Our first Christmas without Noah

Aaron and I were dreading our first Christmas Day without Noah, but it was so nice having the boys as excited as always as it made it a lot easier for us.   Jalen woke up first about 5.10 am and we let him check out what Santa had brought him, but told him to not wake up Harri and Kobe till closer to 6 am as we knew we would have cranky, tired boys by the afternoon.

When Harri woke up he straight away realised what day it was and quickly ran out of bed and hugged us in excitement and literally jumped straight into Jay's arms and they both started hugging and kept jumping up and down! It was hilarious and a little bit cute. It was so nice to see them both so happy and excited.

They then ran in to wake up Kobe and as soon as he realised what day it was he was straight out of bed to see if Santa had come.   It's amazing that Santa knew how much he loves Justin Bieber.  He brought him a bear that plays the song 'Baby'. It's been going pretty much all day long!

We spent the morning opening presents and then while the boys played with their new things, Aaron and I snuck back into bed just for 15 minutes :)

We then went to visit Aaron's Dad and Step Mum Carrol and exchanged presents.

Our church doesn't usually have a service on Christmas Day, but being on a Sunday this year it did.  The boys weren't keen on having Christmas on a Sunday, but I was actually looking forward to it a lot as it meant we would see more friends on Christmas Day and it would help us think about what the whole day is really about.

It was a lovely service with lots of Christmas carol singing and great talks by three of our good friends and leaders of our church. I loved our Stake President's (who is also our good friend) talk and wanted to write down some of the things he said.   He also spoke at Noah's funeral and I always love his talks.  He talked a lot about how gifts weren't important but it is our presence not presents that matters the most.  He shared a lovely card that one of his students made for him, and talked about how out of all the gifts he got from his students, it meant the most to him as it was the thought behind it.  I loved something he said along the lines of 'forget the stocking fillers, and concentrate on the heart fillers'. 

Jalen whispered to me during church 'I actually like coming to church on Christmas! I think this is one of the best Christmas' we've ever had!' and I could tell he was even surprised himself :) During the week we talked about the real meaning of Christmas with the boys and asked them why we celebrate Christmas. Kobe yelled 'it's Jesus' party!!'. 

After church we came home and had a very quick lunch with Mum and Dad and Nicki and Alex and the kids, who also came to church with us.

It was an easy lunch with cole meats, seafood, salads and desserts and it was delicious.

Before Nicki and Alex headed off to Hobart we exhanged presents with Mum and Dad.  Kobe had asked for a 'Barbie and Ken' from Toy Story 3 and kept telling everyone that is what Grandma was giving him! He even asked Santa for it, so he was soooo excited to finally get it. He makes us laugh. He LOVES lots of girl things - his favourite colour is pink and he loves playing with dolls and doll houses, and it doesn't actually worry us at all.

Mum had bought some very awesome party poppers from Chickenfeed and let them go in the lounge room. The kids thought they were awesome!

During the week we all picked out a Christmas balloon each to take up to Noah's grave to release. We blew them up with helium after lunch and then took them up to the cemetery.

 The weather started to turn bad just before we got there, so they blew away pretty quick.

There were so many people at the cemetery today.  It was nice to go up there and I missed Noah like crazy, just like every other day, but the day was a lot easier than I thought it would be. We had a lovely surprise of finding a beautiful note to Noah at his grave from Simone and Simon and the kids.  I'm glad that it was a quiet Christmas for us this year as it is what we needed. 
After we got back  the adults all had a little nanna nap while the boys played with their toys.  We also had a lovely surprise phone call from Lisa all the way from the USA.  Not long till they are home now and we can't wait!  The weather started to heat back up again and Kobe asked if he could try out his new sprinkler that Santa had brought. The boys had heaps of fun running through it.

It was the nicest Christmas Day weather wise that we have had for years.

I'm glad that the day wasn't as hard as I thought it was going to be.  I think the lead up to it all week was harder than the actual day and I'm glad that we could enjoy it as much as possible, despite not having Noah here with us.  Aaron and I were joking tonight that if Noah were with us he would've only just woken up and we would've quickly opened up his presents with him, and he then would've been back to sleep :)

Aaron went out tonight to drop something off somewhere, and while he was waiting he posted this as his status on Facebook. It was so lovely and just how I have been feeling too and it was the first time I had cried all day when I read it...

Dear Noah
Hey Monkey Man! How was your first Christmas in Heaven? I know, the best you ever had, free to run and enjoy yourself!! That makes Daddy happy, but I still have a very broken heart!! You see I miss you so so much. I have to apologize for being selfish, I should be happy that you are free from your body and are happy, but I hurt so much. Everyday I wish you were here, so please forgive me!! Jalen, Kobe & Harri had a fun day, but you were always in our hearts and thoughts. We all love you so much and are so proud of you!!
Lots & lots of love from
Your Daddy for eternity.


  1. Okay, I was SMILING through your whole blog post until I read Aaron's letter to I'm CRYING! Ugh. Bittersweet. Love you guys.

  2. What a day!! I know Noah would have loved watching you celebrate " Jesus party". He would have been proud of you finding the joy through your sorrow. Aaron said it all so perfectly.

  3. yeah, I was going alright till I read Aaron's letter xx I love love love your Mum's face when the kids are letting off the party poppers! he he! Was great to get a hug from you at church xx Chels


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