Monday, 30 January 2012

Preparing for tomorrow

As I drove to the funeral home with Chrish today, I said how different it is planning a funeral 'on my own'. I feel anything but on my own at the moment as I have family staying, and so much love, support and physical help, but some things I can only do on my own.

When we were planning Noah's funeral Aaron and I did it together.  Aaron put together all of his photos and helped Jay make the DVD clips, while I helped the boys with their talks.  Now I'm doing it on my own,  and as strange as it sounds I'm glad that I've already gone through it once before with Aaron by my side.  If I hadn't done it before and had to plan his funeral all by myself, I know there is no way I could be doing what I'm doing right now.

I can't even compare the passing of Noah to the passing of Aaron. I don't even know what I think myself. In some ways it's easier as the experience of losing Noah has helped me to know what to expect, but it many ways it's so much harder.   I still don't believe it. I'm not sure if I'll ever believe it. I know it's happened, it's just too much to come to terms with it just yet.

When I arrived at the funeral home the funeral director who did Noah's funeral came out straight away to give me a hug.  I cried and told her that Aaron obviously couldn't live without Noah and she said that when the call came through they just couldn't believe it.

Today my brothers and brother in law Alex, and our friend who is our Stake President from our church were my rocks.  They dressed Aaron's body and we got to spend a lot of time together as we touched him, kissed him, cried over him and even laughed.  I'm sure Aaron was loving the fact that Eden and Chrish were wearing his Hawthorn ties and he even got Jared into his pink one!  Jared is not one to wear pink :)

After they dressed him, the boys and I went in to spend some time alone with Aaron's body.  I kind of knew what to expect after dressing Noah after he passed away, and it was the same this time.  He looked so peaceful and beautiful and it's strange to say but he really looked so happy.   We laughed as it looked like he had a little grin on his face, and we stired him about all the grief he was giving us, while he was just smiling.

The boys were so brave and stayed for a long time with him.  Jalen shed lots of tears as he touched and hugged him, while Harri and Kobe just stood back a little and were very quiet.  I didn't want to leave Aaron, especially as I know that I'll only his body one more time tomorrow.  It's so hard not being able to see Noah's face or touch him anymore and now I have to feel that pain with Aaron too.

After dressing his body we went to the church to set up a table with some of Aaron's special things.   Harri helped me choose out his favourite Hawks geurnsey. It's hard to know which one is a favourite, when he has so many!

At the chapel were people setting up hundreds (literally!) of beautiful donated flowers from different florists around town. I'm overwhelmed with the generosity and kindness of so many people right now.   Even though we set up quickly, we spent a lot of time just sitting around together, watching the clips that Jay and I put together of photos of Aaron. It was lucky that I had lots of hankies on hand.





It's hard to believe that tomorrow is his funeral.  It's strange to even type that.  I wish I didn't have to type that.   It's going to be another long night as I sit and write my talk for the funeral tomorrow. I don't want to miss out anything, but know that I could never say enough about how lucky I was to be married to my best friend.


50 comments:

  1. I need to STOP eating while looking at your blog. The tears are flowing for you again my friend. I wish I could take this pain away. What a sacred day it was for you. Sending all my love...xxx

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  2. Oh Lisa! So hope that you have the strength to get through tomorrow. So many people are praying for you and care about you right now. I don't know how you managed to do a blog post but thank you for allowing us to share this journey with you xx

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  3. You beautiful, beautiful, person. I wish I Could think of something wise to say, you are amazing !

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  4. I love you sweetheart.
    Love Mum.
    xxx

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  5. God Bless you and your family for tomorrow and the years that follow. Will say a prayer for you all.

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  6. Dear Lisa, you and your beautiful family are such gifts from God to those around you and afar. I have never met you, but have followed your blog for a while and my heart breaks for you all. You are truly an inspiration to us all the way you live your life - God bless you and yours. I promise to keep you in my prayers xoxox You will have an Angel on each arm forever.

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  7. The strength you have is truly amazing. I have only stumbled across your blog today and have shed many tears for your family along with the joy you share so lovingly for everything you have had. May God truly bless you all and give you peace at this most difficult time. I will continue to pray for you all.

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  8. Lisa thank you for sharing this difficult journey with us. May you find peace with your loved ones, and you are all in my prayers. Much love x

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  9. Dear Lisa, Jalen, Harri & Kobe, you have not been far from my thoughts since I heard this sad sad news. My heart has been heavy for you all.
    You will all be in my thoughts and prayers tomorrow even more so than the last few days.
    Aaron was very blessed to have such an inspirational, loving and caring best friend and wife to share his life journey with.
    I pray that you all have the strength for tomorrow.
    I am so very sorry.
    Megan.

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  10. I think you are a remarkable women Lisa. What has happened has completely changed the way I see my life and I'm not taking anything for granted anymore. You are amazing and the boys are so lucky they have you as their Mum.

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  11. I know you only by your words, which are precious and beautiful. May you and your family be sustained by God minute by minute as you walk this painful journey. Fiona xx

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  12. I have followed your blog for a while now and was beyond shocked to hear your news. You are a courageous and strong women, who can get through anything no matter how dark it feels. Keep you head up and your faith high, He will give you the grace to keep going. Sending you hugs and prayers xoxo Katy

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  13. Dear Lisa, I have no words... But want you to know I think you are an amazingly strong and brave woman, to share your very private difficult journey. My heart has been heavy since reading your sad news, wishing you all much love and light for tomorrow. X X X Melissa

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  14. Much love and strength to you and your family.

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  15. I grew up in Mowbray years ago and knew the Kings then, even going through primary school with Aarons sister Tamatha until she died.
    It broke my heart to read of the tragic events surround ing Noah and then Aaron and can only offer my deepest sympathy to you, your boys and to both families along with the many friends surrounding you now.
    Your post are nothing short of inspirational, showing strength in a time of sorrow.
    Mark.

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  16. Thank you Lisa for sharing your beautiful and yet very sad story with us ..... I cry every time I read what has happened to you and your family .... mainly because it is so hard to comprehend all of this happening to one family. It seems strange to feel so many emotions about something that has happened to people that you have never met, but I guess that's what human emotion does to us. Heavenly Father has a plan and none of us know what that is. He sees the bigger picture. He sees the Eternities, while all we see is the here and now. I will be praying for your family tomorrow as you farewell your husband and father, as I am praying for you now and have been praying over the days since Aaron's passing. May you feel the love and peace and comfort that comes with an understanding of Heavenly Father's plan and may you know that so many of us are with you, loving and supporting you, if not physically because we can't, but in spirit.

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  17. My heart aches for you and your gorgeous boys. I cannot comprehend what you must be going through. I found your blog via Naomi and I'm sending all my strength to you all to get through tomorrow and the coming weeks, months and years.

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  18. Dear Lisa,

    I have nothing wise to say but I have to say this. You are the most amazing person I know (even if it's just through this blog). You are a pillar of strength.

    My prayers for your family.

    xxfelicakes.

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  19. I'm so glad that you have so much support around you. May the Lord be at your side tomorrow to help you get through this. You are an amazing woman.

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  20. I have no words that could ever express the sympathies I want to send your way Lisa. May you and your beautiful boys keep strong, and allow your friends and family to lift you if and when you need it. You have been in my thoughts and prayers ever since I heard from Naomi, and you will continue to be for a long time.
    Bianca .

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  21. You and your darling boys have been in my thoughts so much these past days. Sending love to you all.

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  22. You and your family are in my thoughts. You have amazing strength!

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  23. Lisa: I have been so terribly behind on my email and my google reader. I am in shock at this news. I have nothing to say you haven't already heard but know that my thoughts and prayers and love are with you.

    And I have no doubt you will be surrounded by angels, seen and unseen, in the coming days and weeks as you have experienced already the last few months.

    All the love in the world to you!
    (from TOFW and from me.)
    xoxo

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  24. Lisa, loving and praying for you from clear over here in Wyoming, USA. I have followed along on everyones comments and blog posts. Simone had me crying big tears with her comments. I hope you feel Aaron constantly at your side and the tender support of our Heavenly Father. I pray for you and the boys daily and hope that each prayer given by each person is enough to bouy you up at this time.

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  25. You are STRONG! God bless you today. And forever.
    XO

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  26. Word is spreading fast and from all over! What an amazing woman you are and I hope that you can feel the love and support of so many!

    At the Snider home, in Nebraska, USA--we will be praying for you and for family!

    You are loved! Thank you allowing us to follow your journey! May you feel the arms of angels around you!

    All our love and support!

    The Snider Family--Ann and family!

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  27. Will be thinking of you and yours tomorrow. Amazed at your strength and power... Thanks for sharing your story with us - spread the love.

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  28. Your beautiful, eternal marriage (and this temporary separation) bring to mind a favorite poem of mine by ee cummings:

    i carry your heart with me
    (i carry it in my heart)
    i am never without it
    (anywhere i go you go, my dear;)
    and whatever is done by only me
    is your doing, my darling
    i fear no fate
    (for you are my fate, my sweet)
    i want no world
    (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
    and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
    and whatever a sun will always sing
    is you

    here is the deepest secret nobody knows
    (here is the root of the root
    and the bud of the bud
    and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;
    which grows higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
    and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
    i carry your heart
    (i carry it in my heart)

    That you and your beautiful sons will find peace and comfort as you carry your husband and father in your hearts is my prayer and sincere belief.

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  29. I'm thinking of you and your boys today Lisa. My heart breaks for you every time I read about the terribly tough time you're going through, but there is a little bit of sunlight in the support you're receiving and the way people are rallying around you. xxx

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  30. I know I haven't met you but your blog has touched me deeply. I love reading about you and your family. Thankyou for opening your heart, especially at this time. You are such a brave, strong woman. My prayers are continually with you, especially today.

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  31. Lisa - your strength and courage inspire me. I am amazed that you continue to write such powerful and passionate words with such eloquence, after all you have been through. My thoughts, wishes and prayers are all with you and the boys today. Much love. xxx

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  32. Praying for you today xxx

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  33. Hi Lisa

    I hadnt heard about you until I read a post on Naomi's Facebook. But my heart goes out to you and your boys - today and beyond. I am sorry for your loss, both Noah and Aaron - they seem like two men who really made the world a better place.

    Stay strong.

    Carly

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  34. Lisa - we have never met but I am so sorry that you have lost two people who were so special to you. I feel so sad for you. I want you to know that I am praying for you and all of your boys, today especially xxxxx

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  35. I have been thinking about you and your boys so much the last few days and will continue to today! Sending you much love and strength!! xo

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  36. Blessings to you and your beautiful family at this time.

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  37. You are an amazing and inspirational woman. I'm sending you all my love and best wishes for tommorrow and the days ahead.

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  38. I didn't think I was going to cry again! The photo that got me was the one of Buffy! Love all of your family so much and am so grateful you have each other to lean on. xxx

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  39. I found your blog and your heartbreaking story through A-M. I wish I had words to ease your pain and that of your children. May you find strength, peace, and comfort in the days, weeks, and months to come!

    Kat

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  40. crying lots of tears for you just reading this. I hope you know how many people have been praying and thinking of you and your family. I haven't been able to stop thinking about you and and the love you have for your husband and family.

    take care
    Corrie

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  41. I am reading and I still shaking my head...how can this be? You are so strong to be able to write and share your journey...I cant even think of any words to write to express what i am feeling. My thoughts, heart, and prays are headed your way. I cry every time I read your amazing strength.
    Lisa

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  42. Sending llove and prayers your way. You are an amazing woman! xx Marnie

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  43. Thinking of you Lisa, and hoping you and the boys coped today. It's a big road ahead but it will get easier; and you know that your son has his Dad by his side, however much you all miss them both. I know you're in survival mode, despite being told you're brave, but you are - just keep taking one step in front of the other. We're all walking with you no matter how well we know your family. Thinking of you xo

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  44. I've been thinking of you and your family today. I am sending waves of affection and I'm in awe of your strength even though I am sure you are not feeling so strong.
    Be kind to yourself and let everyone give you the help you need to survive xx

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  45. Your family has been on my mind all day- sending you love and peace.

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  46. Lisa you are an amazing, beautiful and gracious woman. I have been thinking of you and your boys non-stop, and so wish I knew you so I could give you a really big hug.

    I am sure so many people, all around the world will be thinking of you tomorrow, sending you love, and I hope that at least is some small help to you at this sad, sad time.

    Lots of love,
    Lexi

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  47. Sending love, hugs, prayers and strength your way.

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  48. You are a Strong Spirit, I am so touched by your blog especially this post. Tears will not stop rolling down my face, your family will be in our prayers.

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  49. I was directed to your blog from another friends blog and as I read my heart broke for you and your family. I am amazed at the strength you and your boys have. The gospel gives us such an eternal perspective. As much as it hurts and always will hurt what a blessing to know you will be together again. I sit sometimes and wallow in my own stupid sorrows and I am brought back to reality by life stories like these. Thank you so much for sharing your story, you and your family will be in our prayers as you continue your very difficult, but worth it journey.

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We are so grateful for everyone's love and support, and appreciate your comments xoxo

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