Saturday, 5 November 2011

4 weeks ago...

This has been a hard post to do as it's the first time in a few weeks that I've looked at the photos from Noah's last day (which was 4 weeks ago today!  I always thought that when someone had a loved one pass away that time must go slowly for them, but I think this has been the fastest month ever). Seeing the photos again makes me feel anxious, sad, and scared all over again, but then I also remember peace that we felt that whole day as well.  I think without that feeling, it would have been so much harder than it already was.

As each person arrived to say goodbye I became more and more anxious knowing that it was getting closer.  Although I didn't want the day to end, it was the longest day of my life. I had so many thoughts that day - from wanting to just scream at the doctors to make him better, to knowing there was no way that they could, to wanting it all to be over, and then not wanting it to ever be over.

Wearing a bracelet that Di made for him. 

The nurses and doctors were so wonderful.  They couldn't do enough for us and set up the room so that whoever wanted to be in the room at once could be, with seats all around the back of the room as well. 

It was so nice to have everyone there.  Everyone spent time with him in his hospital room, and would then go across to a room across the hall,  so that others could have some quiet time with him and then come back in again.

Chrish was the last one to arrive as he flew in from Sydney.  I was happy to have him there, but sad as I knew that meant we didn't have much time left.

The nurses let us do whatever we wanted with Noah all day.  We spent some time washing him and Aaron got to wash his hair for the very last time with a shower cap.   There were many tears all day, but also lots of laughs as we remembered different times with Noah.  Aaron was making the nurses laugh with his impressions of a hair dresser as he was doing Noah's hair.   We can't say enough about how wonderful the nurses and doctors treated Noah that day. They continued to give him all of his medications and feeds right up until the end, and let us give him his last meds.   They let us spend as much time with him as we wanted and needed, and did many special things for him so that we could remember that day.

Thank goodness for Kobe as he kept us laughing, even though it was such a hard day. He would run in and out of the room, doing some Wiggles dancing for us and would then go back out and flood the hallway with the fiftieth drink he kept getting from the water cooler.  We told him what was happening, but he really had no clue which was probably a good thing for everyone as he made the day a lot easier.

Poor Harri's heart was broken all day, and it still is.  The hardest part of the day was actually going over to Ronald McDonald House and sitting the boys down to tell them that Noah was so sick, that he was going to pass away that day.   Both Jay and Harri were so heart broken and both put their heads into their beds and sobbed. 

Although it was the hardest day of my life, it was also a very special day in many ways as well.
Mum and Chrish were with us when Noah passed away and also Jay and Harri were in the room after the doctor talked to us about how important he thought it was for them to be there.  I'm so glad that they were there with us .  Although there were many tears, we were also very comforted.  We felt the spirit strongly all day long and I know that Noah was sad to see us so heart broken, but so happy at the same time.  It was so hard to let go, but also easy when we knew he was ready and was just waiting for us to be as well.


  1. I have never felt the spirit as strong in that room with Noah.
    All I can say is
    AMEN to everything that you have said.
    God bless our beautiful boy.
    Love Mum.

  2. Those photos :(

    But you know what? Every single time I read about or you tell me about your last day with Noah, I can't help feeling complete peace. Like the worst day of your life was perfect in every way possible.

    Love you guys.

  3. Lisa your photos are so beautiful and I'm sitting here with tears running down face. Please know that Noah has even touched a complete strangers life. Thank you so much for sharing him with us all.

    We had to turn off life support on our daughter and your words resonate with me deeply. So many of the same feelings. I love this quote from Steel Magnolias as it is so very true

    "I was there when that beautiful creature came into my life, and I was there when she left. It was the most precious moment of my life."
    -- 'Steel Magnolias'

    Be gentle on yourself

  4. Sob.....all I can say is....thankyou all for allowing me to be a of that very special day.

  5. I had more tears welling up then eden's builder hands made me smile. Look like my Dad's! So many beautiful faces to wish him well on his way (including all his lovely little cousins).

  6. Those photos are so precious. I started with the one of you and Noah - then that one of Aaron and Harri with their heads down and I love the one of Kobe's big kiss. Eden's hand gets me too - the hardworking well worn one holding the perfect soft skinned one of Noah. (sigh)

    I'm so glad you got to say goodbye this way. HF knows best after all. xx

  7. I am so glad that you got to be there to say goodbye...and that it was in your control. Everything that happened to you is how I envisioned it to be with Ben. So I'm grateful that you were able to have that experience, as hard as it was. I just love you guys!


We are so grateful for everyone's love and support, and appreciate your comments xoxo

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