He always knew right from the start that Noah's life would be short. As Noah got older he became more and more aware that there wasn't much time left with him. On Noah's tenth birthday Jay got very emotional and said to me that he knew that Noah may not be around for much longer. I played it down and said that we will just have to wait and see, but deep down I knew it was the truth too.
On the 12 month anniversary of Noah passing away, Jalen posted this as his status on Facebook. He made me so proud that he still talks about what an influence Noah had on his life. He said the same things in his talk at Noah's funeral.
A couple of weeks ago Jay said to me that he wondered what it felt like to 'be normal'. I asked him what he meant and he said that his whole life he has thought about someone dying. He always knew that Noah would die one day and had it in the back of his mind that one day he would have to say goodbye to him. Then Noah passed away and then Aaron and he said his whole life he has had to think about death and he wondered what it was like to not have to think about it.
I reminded him that everyone has something that they worry about, even if you may not know what it is. It may not be that they have to worry that someone they love is going to die, but it is still hard. I also reminded him that even though we knew that Noah was going to die one day, that we wouldn't give up having him.
It's nice to know that he agreed. I'm so proud of him for the way that he can see that having a brother like Noah is a blessing, even though there are hard things about it as well. I have no doubt that Jay wouldn't be the person he is today without having Noah as a brother.
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