Wednesday, 10 October 2012

A Year

Since Aaron and Noah passed away whenever there is an anniversary or something coming up it's always the lead up to the day that is the hardest. I knew with it coming up to twelve months since Noah passed away that it was going to be a hard week so arranged to take a day off work so we could get away.

I find it much easier to deal with things at the moment to just go and do something different, rather than sitting around feeling sorry for myself.  It can be so easy to sit and dwell on what has happened, and although I'm always sad it's easier when we get away from home.  After Aaron passed away all I wanted to do was be home, but now I'm finding it's the opposite. I want to be anywhere but here.

Because Noah passed away in Hobart I always feel like I want to go back there, even though we have sad memories from there.   Aaron joked that he never wanted to go back to Hobart again, but we had gone back together after Noah passed away.   In lots of ways it makes me feel closer to Noah to be where he passed away, so the boys and I decided that for Noah's 'angelversary' we wanted to spend the weekend in Hobart.

I have friends in Hobart who I would've loved to have caught up with, but we decided that it was just going to be a family weekend and we would try to have as much fun together as possible.  We stayed for three nights and booked into a really lovely hotel which had a nice view and an indoor heated pool. 

We had a great view of the city from our hotel room

 and also a lovely view of the river and bridge.

It was so nice being so close to the docks.  We didn't use the car the whole weekend and just walked everywhere including getting fish and chips for tea at the docks one night.

 The boys were excited to stay in a hotel and loved that we all slept in the same room together.

Kobe was my bed buddy which meant I hardly got any sleep as he is such a wriggle worm. I had legs and arms all over me all night which made me tired and cranky, but then I would wake up to this cute face.
On Saturday morning we walked to Salamanca Market. The last time we were there was with Aaron and the boys kept saying 'remember when we came here with Dad' and would remember something that we did that day.
I couldn't pass up the fairy floss on a stick.  I did feel very sick afterwards!

Even though it was cold the boys all wanted snow cones because they remembered getting them with Aaron last time we were in Hobart.
The boys had been wanting to see the movie 'Hotel Transylvannia' since they saw an ad for it, so we went to watch it in 3D. It was a great movie and was very funny.
I usually hate paying for these sort of games, but couldn't resist playing a few with the boys.  Harri has the concentrating tongue going on like my whole family does.
The boys loved just walking around town doing some window shopping.

Even though we did a few fun things, what we loved the most was just swimming at the hotel pool every day.  It was really warm and we were lucky to have the pool to ourselves most of the time.
I actually think it was very therapeutic swimming every day for all of us. It was so nice seeing the boys have so much fun together.  They kept saying that they wished they had pool at home. 
We were so happy to meet Brodie up at the hospital.  Brodie was one of the beautiful nurses who was with us when Noah passed away.  I often think about her and the other lovely nurse who was with us and wonder what it must've been like for them as they started their shift, knowing that they were going to be there with a family as they said goodbye to their son.  We were so touched by the way they treated Noah that day.  They were so kind and thoughtful to us and everyone who came to say goodbye.

It was so lovely to have Brodie come to Aaron's funeral and meant so much to me that she and the doctor that was with us when Noah passed away, would make the effort to come especially when they don't really know us that well.

Brodie met us outside the NPICU at the hospital and then took us inside to 'Noah's room'.
Brodie had brought along some balloons and put them in Noah's room which was so nice. They were supposed to be Wiggle colours, but the purple one popped in the car on the way there.   It was nice to be in Noah's room, even though we have sad memories from there.  The day that we said goodbye to him was sad, but also very special as we had no doubt that Noah was ready to go and felt at peace with everything at the same time.
My first ever Instagram photo I ever put up was of Aaron and the boys leaving the hospital, the day after Noah passed away.  I remembered that while we were there, so I made sure I got a photo of the boys walking out of the same entrance together.  They cracked me up laughing as Harri kept posing and would smile when he came out. I laughed and told him it was okay not to pose, so they decided to do a 'take two' and every time they would come back out they would crack up laughing.  I love this photo of them as it shows that even thought we are so sad every day, that we still have moments when we laugh so much that we almost wet ourselves!
On Monday which was Noah's 'angelversary' we spent some time in the sun at the Botanical Gardens.  It was such a beautiful day and I couldn't help but think that Noah once again turned on the weather for us.

We then had lunch and couldn't pass up Cold Rock before driving back home.
After we got home we took some balloons to the cemetery and let them go.  When we got there we realised how much Noah's grass had grown and Kobe and I went back today to trim it.
It's so hard to believe that it's been a whole year.  It's been the fastest year of my life, and also the hardest year. I hope that means that time is going to keep going fast because I can't wait for the day when I will see Noah and Aaron again.


  1. What a lovely way to remember Noah, your photos are truly amazing and I just lose myself in your posts.

  2. Lisa, you are amazing! Your courage, determination and, above all else, love for your boys always shines through your posts and photos. You have all been through so much in the last twelve months but how lucky your boys are to have you as their Mum! Know that there is always people from all over the country thinking of you, reading your posts and sending you all the love & strength possible. xo

  3. Liz from Soth Carolina,USA10 October 2012 at 08:51

    I love the way you know what is best to do so you can deal with such a difficult day! I am sure Noah was pleased to see you having so much fun because he would have wanted it that way.
    I love the name you have for what we call "cotton candy" in the call it "fairy floss"! I laughed (through the tears).
    Thanks for sharing.

  4. even though the Kobster wriggles a lot when he is in bed with you(Rosie does too when she crawls in beside Nanna at 4am in the morning) it is such a nice wriggly feeling isn't it...just wish it was once in awhile e hugh at least you could catch up on the missed sleep...lovely post Lisa..wonderful boys....still can't believe it is a year

  5. You know you're going to have to save up for a pool now ;) Nice to see the happy moments xxxxxx

  6. I'm glad you are able to make so many happy memories together despite the sadness you all feel not having Noah and Aaron with you right now. Looks like it was a fabulous few days x

  7. Thank you for sharing something so personal with the world. You remind me of the beauty of the Gospel, thank you.

  8. Sorry you had to celebrate such an anniversary but seems you did it justice. Remembering while out there living, making new memories.

  9. a beautiful way to spend it although I so badly wish it wasn't without them xx

  10. That's a beautiful way to acknowledge Noah's memory and such a sad milestone.

    I get so much from your blog Lisa. I really enjoy the pictures of your comings and goings. And you give me hope that no matter what heartaches and challenges people face, they can make good choices to look after themselves and their families to make it better than it otherwise would be. Thank you xx

  11. I love that you celebrated his life in that way.

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  13. I can say I know how you feel, Lisa - I am already dreading the holidays this year, missing my boy so much. I just want them to go away! What do I have to celebrate? But then I do realize how lucky I am to have my health, and wonderful family and friends who support me. You and your boys are so inspiring, although it may not feel like it at times. Know that Noah's impact will ALWAYS be felt, he had weight in this world. Much love to you all - and love the getaway pics!

    xo - Diane

  14. Oh that's lovely! There's an orb on the photo of the boys standing under the Japanese Garden entrance. And in the photo with the pink flowers and the boys in the background there are two more orbs. It may or may not be true, but I always think of orbs as spiritual presences and have seen quite a few in photos, myself. Bless! XXX


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