How it's Supposed to Be

Today was Aaron's Pop's funeral.  It was a lovely funeral and was run by the same funeral home that did Aaron and Noah's funerals.  I didn't know the funeral directors but the one of them saw me and said 'oh Lisa, you shouldn't have to be at another one of these this year' so she obviously knew me and what had happened.    The boys decided not to come with me as they said it would be too sad to go to another funeral.  They didn't really know Pop very well anyway, but Harri has been very teary all week with it bringing up lots of feelings.  Most days he's had a big cry over anything little, and when I ask him what is wrong he says 'I'm missing Daddy and Noah'.

It was nice to see Aaron's Nan, and I couldn't help but think the whole time that today was how it was supposed to be.  You are supposed to lose your husband when he is 95.  You are supposed to be ready to go.  You are supposed to be an old lady using a walking frame when you farewell your husband after being married for over 75 years.




I couldn't help but think how Aaron should've been one of the pall bearers as well. He shouldn't be six feet under greeting his Pop up there.



It was nice to see Aaron's sister Trudy again who flew down from Melbourne just for the day, and to also catch up with Aaron's nieces and step sister.




 It was also lovely to catch up with Aaron's cousin Tracey and her family.  I feel like I can never repay them for how they helped us to get our garden done, and it was so nice to see them all again.

After the burial I wandered over to Aaron and Noah's graves which are just a stone throw away, and then some of Aaron's family joined me.  It still doesn't seem real and I wonder if it'll ever truly sink in?

 Aaron's Nan has lost her short term memory so I don't think she was really aware as to what was going on.  I asked her if she knew who I was, and she said she knew my face. I told her that I was Aaron's wife and she was so happy when I said that, but then I had a feeling that she didn't really know what had happened.   I think that's probably a good thing, and wish that I could forget what has happened to.

I'm having a day when I'm not feeling so positive about things, and I'm sure that because I'm feeling sick it isn't helping my mental state very much (plus every now and then reality just hits you in the face).    Hopefully in a few days I'll have some energy back.  If it's quiet on here, you know I'm stuck lying on the couch trying to rest up while the boys run rampant! ;)