It's so hard knowing I can't do anything for Noah and Aaron anymore. It's strange to feel so busy because I'm now a single Mum to three busy boys, but wishing that I could do more for my other boys as well who aren't with us.
When Aaron first passed away all I wanted to do was be home as it made me feel closer to him and Noah. I didn't want to leave home and although we often went to both their graves, it wasn't really a place that I felt like I wanted to go to be close to them.
Now I want to be anywhere but home and enjoy spending time at their graves. I don't feel particularly close to them there, but I like being able to do something for them - even if it is just tending to their graves. The children's section is particularly nice and one day after work I had a couple of hours to myself, and it was a beautiful day so I drove to the cemetery, put a picnic blanket down right near Noah's grave and enjoyed the sun. It was lucky I set my alarm on my phone - just in case - because before I knew it, it was going off and it woke me up to tell me it was time to pick up Kobe from daycare, and the boys from school. I'm sure Noah was laughing at his silly Mum who was sleeping near his grave, and the cemetery workers all probably thought I had lost the plot.
We were happy to see that they were finally putting some grass down opposite Aaron's grave about a month ago. Some of the cemetery workers were near his grave one day, so I asked them when Aaron's section would be done, and they said it wouldn't be till next Autumn. Only 6 more months to wait and we won't have to worry about the dirt so much.
loved doing it last time.