Saturday, 8 September 2012

Happy Harri

Because there is a big difference in ages of our boys, they are all grieving so differently.  Kobe has been struggling a lot more over the past month, but Harri has surprised me.  He struggled the most out of the three boys when Noah passed away, and was so sad and scared all the time.  He slept in our bedroom he was just so different to the happy Harri that we used to know.

When Aaron passed away my thoughts straight away turned to Harri, wondering how he was going to cope. I really thought he was going to lose it big time and was so worried about how he was going to take it.  

He has surprised me so much and has actually coped the best out of the three boys, since Aaron's passing.  When I told him that Aaron passed away he looked at me and said 'does that mean I get to sleep on Daddy's side of the bed now?'.  I told him that he could and seven months later he is still sleeping in my bed, but I'm more than happy for him to as it's helping him cope and it's actually helping me too. 

I think if I didn't have my bed buddy with me it would be a lot harder.  He doesn't like going into his bedroom at all anymore as it's at the other end of the house, and I don't imagine he will ever sleep in there again.  I'm trying to convince him that eventually it would be fun to share a room with Kobe, but he's not having a bar of it.  For now though I'm more than happy to have him in my bed with me.

Not only do I have Harri as my bed buddy, but also about fifty of his soft toys too :)

Aaron's bedside table is now covered with all Harri's special things :)

When Noah passed away Harri took Noah's monkey 'Nono' with him everywhere.    Towards the end of last year, Nono stopped going to school with Harri as he started to feel happier and more secure.  When Aaron passed away Nono came out again and started going everywhere with Harri again.

About a month ago Harri said that he thought that he would be okay to leave Nono at home now and asked me what I thought. I told him it was up to him, and he started to get really anxious as he didn't know what to do.  Since Aaron died he is finding it really hard to make decisions on his own. He always wants me to make the decision for him, but I keep telling him that I can't make decisions for him.  

Once I agree with whatever decision he makes, then he is okay with it. I told him that I thought that it was a good idea for him to leave Nono home, so that he could play and work at school properly without worrying about him, and told him that it was brave that he wanted to do it.  Since then he has left him at home and is really proud of himself that he can do it.  

Most of the time Harri is really happy.  Every now and then he has a little cry and talks about things, but he has even said to me 'I feel really happy Mum. I'm still sad that Daddy and Noah died though'.  It's nice to see the old funny Harri back most of the time.

 "I'm Harri Highpants!"

A couple of weeks Harri woke up really sad. He started crying and said that he had a dream about the night that Aaron died.  He told me that when I came into the bedroom that night, he knew that I was going to tell him 'that Daddy died'.  It broke my heart to see him crying, when he had been so good for so long, but I'm glad that he had a good cry as he hadn't for a while.

When we visit Aaron and Noah's graves he's usually chatty and talks about things that he remembers about them.

It's so hard to see your seven (or now eight!) year old cleaning his Dad and brother's headstones,  knowing that he has been through so much in his short life.

I'm so proud of him though and am happy to see that most of the time our happy Harri is back.


  1. There's this light about Harri isn't there? x

  2. I had a laugh about all the soft toys in the bed. Dear sweet boy, it is crazy how much they have been through xxxx

  3. what a gorgeous kid - love his smile, lets hope it sticks around for good now. xxx

  4. Love ya Haz!

    He was telling me the other night how Daddy changes the channel to the football all the time. He makes me smile.

  5. You are such a wise mum, recognizing the different stages of your boys' grief. Harri is moving along beautifully, because you are supporting his grief the way he needs to grieve. I hope there's time for you to recognize your own grief as well as you do the boys'.
    Admiration and hugs from samm in Canada


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