Life Goes On

With everything that has happened in the last 8 months, life unfortunately just keeps going on.  A lot of the time I wish I could just get everything to stop for a few months so I can just deal with what has happened, without worrying about the every day things as well.

Unfortunately that can't happen, so I try to just continue doing things that I used to love, hoping that in time I will feel like my old self again.  Now that I'm working I hardly go to the gym anymore because I just don't have the energy to go after work, but I still try to go at least a couple of times a week, when I am feeling up to it. I used to love going to the gym and would go up to six times a week, but now I go more because I know that exercise makes me feel better physically as well as emotionally, even when I don't feel like doing it.

Most of the day my thoughts are consumed with Aaron and Noah, but every now and then I realise that I've been doing something and actually enjoying it, without constantly thinking about them.  Sometimes I can be in class at the gym and will be enjoying the music or talking to my gym buddies, but then I can look down and will see my necklace which has Aaron and Noah's names on it, or will see my engagement and wedding ring, and then am lost again in my thoughts of Aaron and Noah.

Often on the way home from the gym, Kobe and I call into the cemetery to visit Aaron and Noah's graves.   When I look down and see my sneakers it often hits me how strange my life is at the moment, as I'm trying to do 'normal' every day things, but feel anything but normal. 

Unfortunately life continues to go on, and I'm trying my hardest to be a part of it and feel normal again, even if it means just going to the gym a couple of times a week when all I can think about is that Noah and Aaron are no longer here with me.