Noah's 12th Birthday

Today would've been Noah's 12 birthday.   Last year I felt really anxious as his birthday approached and just felt like I wanted to get away with the boys, but this year I felt like I was going to cope with it a bit better.

I think it's because I'm more at peace about Noah's passing, as we knew that he was ready.  On his last birthday on earth we knew that we probably didn't have much longer with him as we knew that he was getting more and more tired.  It doesn't mean we don't miss him and it doesn't mean it's easy, but I think I just feel a lot different about Noah's passing away to Aaron passing away.  I will always think that Aaron should still be here.

There are always times when I just think how unfair it all is, but I'm just so grateful that we were blessed with ten years with Noah, when I know that we could've had a lot less.  As I thought about his birthday coming up, I just wanted to try to make it a day to celebrate his life and remember the good times with him.  Sometimes that's easier said than done, but today it was actually a lot easier than I thought it would be.

Jalen's arm being fractured was probably a good distraction as it's been a full on couple of days with him.  He is still in so much pain and had his school jumper on for two days as he was too scared to move his arm to take it off.  I finally talked him into trying to get it off today, and I dosed him up with pain meds before. It was a very slow process and he was happy to jump in the shower with a sling on his arm and then it took forever to get a new top back on him.  It'll be another few days before we attempt to remove it again, so I told him he'll have to make do with lots of deodorant in the meantime.

He's pretty miserable and bored because he is in too much pain to be at school and can't play on the computer, but hopefully in a day or two the pain will be much better.  He's hoping he will be able to lay down in bed tonight to sleep because the last couple of nights it's been too painful to lay down.  People keep asking if it can be put in a cast, but because the fracture is too high up (right up near his shoulder) the sling is the only option. 


Today the grades 3-6 at Harri's and Kobe's school went on an excursion to watch the Launceston College's production of Hairspray.  When we realised it was going to be on Noah's birthday I thought it would be nice to go along as parent help with Harri so that we had something to look forward to together. I was lucky that it fell on my day off work.  Harri was so excited to have me come along, and it was nice to have a good distraction and something fun to do.
It's nice that Harri is still happy to have me come along to school things, so I am trying to make the most of it while I can.
After school we got some helium balloons and headed to the cemetery to release them.  We got there right on dusk and were scared they were going to lock the gates on us while we were in there because it was already after closing time when we got there, so we quickly let them go and yelled 'Happy Birthday Noah!' and jumped in the car before even seeing Aaron's grave, as we weren't keen on spending the night in the cemetery ;)



For tea we decided to have a pizza picnic on the lounge room floor.  It's nice that the Give Me Five For Kids fundraiser happens around Noah's .  It raises money to buy equipment for the children's ward at our local hospital.  Last night we loved watching the telethon and seeing the kids ward that Noah spent a lot of time in and we even saw an interview with the lovely doctor who was with us when Noah passed away.  The boys and I decided again to donate the money that we would've spent on buying Noah a birthday present, to the GM5FK fundraiser.  When I heard that they were hoping to buy a vein finder I couldn't help but think how wonderful that would've been when Noah was alive, as it was always so hard to get blood or put a canula in.

After tea we rang my Dad who also celebrates his birthday today.  Today he is 61.  After tea we had birthday cake which I made.  It had a monkey candle for the top since we always called Noah 'monkey'.

I love that Instagram now has a video option so I made this short video of the boys singing Noah 'Happy Birthday' on Instagram.   Harri keeps saying his monkey 'Nono' is now 12 too since he is the same age as Noah. 

Thank you everyone for all the texts, comments, messages and flowers.  They mean so much to me. One comment really touched me which said (about Noah) 'you are still touching people and having a huge impact here on this earth! Thank you for your example' (thank you Brad).  

I'm sure Noah and Aaron are partying big time together today.