5 Years Old

Kobe has been counting down to his birthday for months.  He kept asking me if we could go back to Queensland as that's what we did for his last birthday.  If only it were so easy to do.  When I told him that this year we would be home for his birthday, he was upset but then got excited when he realised that he would be at school on his birthday.  He absolutely loves school and cheers when he knows it's a school day.  Jalen keeps telling him to wait till he's in High School and he won't be cheering anymore :)

He then kept asking me if he could have a party with his school friends and cousins.  I felt awful about saying no, but just don't have the energy to deal with a party right now.  The boys also know they can't have a party with their friends every year, so I told Kobe that when he's older he will have a party with his friends, but this year it would just be a family party.

Every day is hard, but days such as birthdays are really hard.  I hate having to buy the boy's presents on my own as it was always something that Aaron and I loved doing together.  We loved talking about what we would get them, and how excited they would be about a certain present.  It's even hard writing in cards now, that our family isn't all together.

Kobe was excited to get an early birthday present last week from Alison and Amy.  He was so spoilt and got a pair of Hawthorn footy socks and the cutest little Nike footy boots.  He was so excited when he opened it and screamed 'yes! footy!!', and couldn't wait to get them on.

Yesterday Aaron's Dad Roxley and his Step Mum Carrol came to visit and also gave him an early birthday present.  He had lots of fun kicking the soft footy to Pa and would yell 'goal!!" whenever Pa would mark it. 

Kobe was so excited about his birthday coming up, but as usual with every birthday and anniversary now, I was dreading it as it's always an extra hard day without Aaron and Noah here to celebrate with us.  I feel very blessed to have so met so many beautiful and generous people since Aaron died, and Nicole, the Cupcake Fairy is one of them.  Last year she did so much to help us as a family in many ways.  Not only did she make us beautiful birthday cakes last year, but she did so much to help out with Aaron's funeral and helping to fund raise for us, even though she didn't know us.

I feel like I should have everything together by now, but am far from it, so I was so grateful when she offered to make our birthday cakes again this year.  The cakes I would make them would be nothing like what Nicole makes, especially as Aaron used to always make their birthday cakes.

How cute is this pic of Kobe as Aaron is making his first birthday cake for him :) 

Nicole not only offered to make Kobe whatever birthday cake he wanted, but also asked if he would like to take some special cupcakes to share with his friends at school.  He was so excited about it and requested 'flowers for girls and footys for boys'.    She even made him an extra special one and two special ones for his teacher and teacher aide.

Kobe is footy mad at the moment.  I'm scared to say that he's actually more obsessed than Harri was at his age.  He screams his head off whenever he's watching a game and knows lots of the Hawks players, so after he went to bed last night we filled his room with Hawthorn balloons, so he could wake up on his birthday and see them. 

Well that was the plan.  Unfortunately I ended up with both Harri and Kobe in my bed last night (worst night's sleep ever!) as they were both feeling sad as they were missing Daddy and Noah. I think because I've been having a rough time lately, all the boys have been feeling it more than usual too.  It's so hard because it's the time when I really wish they would just give me some space, but they need me more than ever.  

It was funny hearing Kobe at 3.30 am this morning ask 'will bears come to my birthday Mum?'.  I was half asleep so wasn't sure if I heard him right and said 'what are you talking about Kobes? Bears?' and he said 'yeah, you know bears out of the sky? Will they come to my birthday or is it just in the movies?'.  I then realised he must've just had a strange dream and told him it was just in the movies, and he went back to sleep.  This morning when I asked him if he could remember it, he had no idea. 

It was cute when the boys woke up hearing Harri say 'it's your birthday Kobes!'.  We took him into his bedroom to see the balloons and he was so excited (excuse all the phone photos - it's easier than dragging my camera around everywhere).

He was so excited to open up his presents and got lots of footy and Hawks inspired presents.

This year for the first time Harri and Jay both bought him something - Harri gave him some AFL colouring in books and Jay bought him his own Minecraft account which he was so excited about. He always wants to play Minecraft with the boys on the computer, but couldn't because he didn't have an account.  He did a big fist pump when he realised what Jay had got him!

 

One of his presents which I got him arrived just in time for his birthday - a canvas of one of the last photos taken of Aaron, just the day before he died.  It's such a special photo of both of them fishing off the jetty at St Helens.  Kobe has had the photo in a frame by his bed, but I wanted him to have a special canvas to put on his wall.  

When he opened it he said 'it's for my bedroom! I 'wuv' it!'.  He later went through all the presents he loved and said to me 'this really was my favourite present Mum, but it makes me feel a bit sad too'.  Tonight when he was in bed, I walked past his room and he said 'I just really miss Daddy so much' as he was looking at the canvas.  I told him I knew that he did and said how proud Daddy would be of him, and how I'm sure he would've been watching him today and would've loved that he was having a fun birthday.

In our house when it is your birthday you get to choose to have whatever you want for breakfast, and also tea.  I took Kobe to the supermarket a couple of days ago so he could choose something for breakfast (he usually just has weet-bix even though we have other choices in the house) and gave him a few suggestions including pancakes and sugary cereal that we wouldn't usually have, but he decided that he wanted Rice Bubbles of all things! Funny boy.

After school he decided he wanted Grandma and Grandpa to come into go to Crazy Golf with us and then McDonalds for tea.

 

When we came back home we had his cake for dessert.  He asked for a Peppa Pig cake which looked amazing! It looked too pretty to cut up and tasted as good as it looked.

He was so happy with it.

It's hard to believe that my baby is now five.  It's hard knowing that he has had to go through so much in his short life, but if you met him you wouldn't know it.  He is such a joy to have around and really makes us smile every single day.    He is at a beautiful age right now and has such a fun little personality.   It was nice to see him enjoy his birthday so much, even though it's such a hard day.

My thoughts and prayers are with a family tonight whose hearts are broken as their beautiful daughter Mia passed away this morning. She just turned five and fought hard her whole life to be here as long as she did.  It was hard celebrating Kobe's birthday when I knew what was going on in their home today. 

Mia went to the school that I work at and out of all the kids there, she reminded me the most of Noah.  I hope they found each other today and said hello and maybe even ran and side stepped together.