This Easter feels a lot different to last year. Last Easter was our first holiday without Noah and Aaron and I still remember how hard it was. The sadness is still there this year, but the shock has worn off. It doesn't feel so overwhelming this year.
I've been looking forward to having a few days off school and work and haven't really been thinking about it being another holiday without Noah and Aaron. That was until I actually knocked off work at the end of the day. Then it hit me that we have five long days to fill in and I started to feel really sad. When we are in a routine things are so much easier.
The teacher I work with gave me an Easter treat today. I was feeling sorry for myself after work, so when I sat in the sunroom and watched Ellen and decided to eat the whole thing, there and then! I was regretting it when I still felt sick two hours later!
I found some lovely eggs to hang on Noah's tree and also some eggs that could be put in his vase near his plaque.
Mum had also put a lovely little rabbit ornament there last week.
Aaron's grave is looking very ugly and bare at the moment, because they have levelled off his row to put down some top soil, so they can lay some grass seed. I can't wait until they do because it will look so much nicer. It's strange not seeing humps of dirt where the graves are.
This picture makes me sad. Little boys shouldn't be decorating their Dad's grave for Easter. They should be going on Easter egg hunts with him and coming to our family Easter get together with us.
This week the boys and I have been talking a lot about the real meaning of Easter and how lucky we are to know that we will be with Aaron and Noah again, but it doesn't mean that we don't feel sad and don't miss them every day. It's never going to be the same without them.
Life is not what you expect of it but when several people die withn a year it is not what you expect life needs to go on sadly and however you go its what and how you make it ...your family Lisa are so proud of your beginnings xxx
ReplyDeleteI was looking at the calendar you gave me for Christmas, and there is Aaron smiling directly at me in the frame, and that gorgeous photo of Kobe and Aaron smiling at each other, and the one that put the huge lump in my throat all day, is the one of him fishing with Kobe the day before he died.
ReplyDeleteI was thinking if we could just turn back the clock, if we had only known that day it was our last with him, would we have expressed our love more deeply, would we have held each other tighter?
We can't, and every family dinner we have, there are empty spots at the table, but our hearts are full.
Easter makes me reflect on our Heavenly Father's love for us, and the sacrifice that our saviour Jesus Christ made for us gives us a sure knowledge that we will all be reunited again with Daniel, Noah and Aaron, never o be parted again.
I think Easter makes us think of what and who we value the most in this world, that it isn't all about chocolate, eggs and bunnies.
I hope it isn't too long before you are united with your darling Noah and your sweetheart Aaron.
Families are forever.
I love you.
Mum.
xxx
Your mum's comment above really touched me. It is filled with words of wisdom and love. Through some of our most painful experiences we learn the precious gift of empathy and the true meaning of charity. You and your mum seem to me to be pillars of strength and compassion. (Not that you seek to be such at all.) I feel privileged to have gotten to "know" such beautiful women in my lifetime. Sending love to you, the boys and all who love Noah and Aaron.
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