Our computer is needing a huge overall, so I've been going through lots of the old photos trying to sort them out a bit. There are a lot of photos that I haven't looked at for a while, because they are too hard to look at all the time. The strangest photos to look at are photos of Aaron at Noah's funeral, or when we were dressing Noah's body after he had passed away. It's so strange to see Aaron with Noah's body, and to know that he passed away just a few months later.
Last night I couldn't stop looking at this photo. It was just a couple of days after Noah's funeral and we had all gone up to the cemetery with Chrish (who took the photos). It is so weird to think that Aaron's grave is right through the trees there behind Aaron's head.
This photo of Harri with Nono makes me smile and feel sad at the same time. He looked so happy to be in Aaron's arms.
Noah was tired and ready to go, but after he passed away he was so brave and knew that Noah was in a good place and was no longer in his sick, disabled body. It's so hard to see how different it's been for him since Aaron passed away.
My mind and heart are so mixed with different thoughts and emotions. I know that it's not Aaron's fault that he's not here, but a part of me is still angry with him because he just gets out of having to deal with our grief for Noah. Him dying changed our grief for Noah. It just put it away and we still haven't grieved for Noah, because all we can now think of is that Aaron died. Just like that.
Now we are grieving for the two of them, but not having any idea how it's even possible to grief for both of them at the same time.