I was dreading the summer holidays, but I'm glad to say that we have survived them okay by keeping busy. Our week away at the beach helped so much to not only pass the time, but to help us relax and have a break from reality for a bit. The days are very long without Aaron and Noah around so after sleeping in most mornings (thank you Kobe!) we try to get out and plan to do something together each day.
It has been lovey to be able to eat our tea outside some nights.
The boys have loved running around shooting each other with water pistols.
Some days I've been lazy and just let the boys play their computer games for hours on end. They would probably prefer to do that most days, and most of the time they actually complain when I tell them that we are going out to enjoy the sun!
We've loved being able to go swimming and it's been extra fun as Harri can now swim in the deep water on his own. It's nice seeing him so happy as he jumps in the deep end. It's amazing how much he's changed and grown in so many ways this year.
We've also spent a lot of time with different friends having BBQs throwing the frisbee and playing cricket together. It's so nice to not care what time it is, and to know that it doesn't matter what time we get home because there isn't any school in the morning.
Jalen stresses out a lot about everything (who can blame him really!) and picks up on my mood a lot. He often says to me 'you seem tired and stressed Mum' and I usually laugh and say something like 'that's 'cause I am!' It's stressful and exhausting being a single Mum, but especially being a single Mum who is not only grieving myself but trying to deal with the boys grief as well.
There isn't often a day when all of us feel okay at the same time. Often one of the boys is having a really hard day and I find they need lots of extra cuddles, chats and reassurance. Then the next day one of the other boys could be having a hard day, when the day before they were 'fine'.
I feel like I'm being torn in three different directions, and feel like we never really get a break from the grief because we are all going through it so differently. It's been a year since Aaron passed away and fifteen months since Noah passed away and I can see that our grief is changing, but I can't imagine how things will be different next summer. I believe they will be, but it's hard to imagine how we are all going to feel next summer holidays.
I'm so glad that I have my three boys who have kept me stressed and tired over the summer because without them it would be so much harder. They drive me insane at times but also keep me going and I love them and am so proud of the three of them. It's been a tough year and a long school holidays, but together we have gotten through our first summer holidays without Aaron and Noah.
It's back to work and school next week which we are happy and sad about at the same time.