Saturday, 26 January 2013

We Miss You Really Much.

This time last year we were getting ready to head to the beach for Australia Day.  This time last year we were missing Noah so much, but were looking foward to a lovely week away with my family.  This time last year I had no idea that my life was about to change forever.

This time last year I had no idea that Aaron would have the best day ever and would then sit down after going fishing with my brothers and brother in law and would have a heart attack right in front of us. 

This time last year I had no idea that I would be standing at Aaron's grave wondering how it can be real, even a year later.
 
This year has gone so fast, yet the days are so long without him.  I miss him more now than ever and the shock has worn off and I realise that this is it. This is my life and I have to live the rest of my life on earth without my best friend. 

I love Aaron more now than ever before and wish I just had an hour with him to talk to. I want to ask him so many things. I want to know what he thinks about how I am going. I want to know if he is proud of me. I want to know if he is happy with how I'm bringing up the boys without him.  I want to know if he is happy with the decisions I am making on my own....on.my.own.

I wasn't meant to be on my own. I know we will be together for eternity, but I want to be together on earth for another fifty years at least. I want to grow old with him. Eternity is too far away!

I want to go on dates together that we never got to go on when Noah was with us.  I want to talk to him at night about everything and nothing.  I want to listen to him yelling at the sport on TV and laugh at his stupid jokes that he would constantly make.  I want to hear him compaining about how he doesn't want to go back to work after the holidays, but then tell me how much he loves his job when he starts back at work. 

I want to be going to the beach with him right now, because it's Australia Day and that's what you do on Australia Day. You don't die on Australia Day! You shouldn't die on Australia Day.

My Dad told me that today he is going to listen to the Bee Gees album 'One Night Only' because that's what he did last Australia Day after he had heard Aaron passed away. He wasn't with us and he was trying to make sense of it all and he loves that album, so putting it on helped him to think and get his head together.

I often wonder what other people were doing and thinking when they found out. For some reason it helps me. It helps me to know that I wasn't the only one reeling that night.  My friend Simone was supposed to be blogging about her family trip to Port Arthur. Instead she got a phone call from me to tell her Aaron had just died. Instead she had to listen to me tell her and yelled at me 'what are you saying!?'. I wish I was telling her something different to what I was. 

We love and miss him so much and I am so proud of him and the person that he was.  He was an incredible husband, Dad, friend, brother, son and teacher.  He changed his own life and by doing that, he changed other people's lives too.  He taught kids to believe in themselves.  He made school fun. He wanted everyone to know that they were important.   He was passionate about the things he believed in. 

Every time the boys and I hear this song on the radio it makes us think of Aaron and we knew we wanted to use it for a video on the one year anniversary since he passed away.  It reminds us of him because he is a champion to us, but it also reminds us of what he wanted others to believe of themselves. 

As Kobe says we 'miss you Daddy, really much'.

video

33 comments:

  1. Oh Lisa. My heart is with you today. I am so proud of all that you have done for yourself and your gorgeous cherubs since that heartbreaking moment. Much love to you today xx

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  2. I love what you said that "he changed his own life and by doing that he changed other people's lives too". I think that's part of what made him so amazing and so loved by everybody no matter their background because he truly believed in the potential of each individual and helped bring it to the fore.

    I love the clip so much. It says everything about him and his life here with you guys. I wish so much there was another 50 yrs of memories here too. SO SO much.
    XX xxxx

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  3. He certainly lived his life worthy of the Hall of Fame and will never be forgotten Lisa. What an inspiring husband and father to your kids he was. Sadly for too short a time...

    My heart aches for you, the boys and everyone who loved him. Hugs to you all from the other side of the world.

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  4. And the Worlds gonna know His name!" How true that is Lisa. What an inspiration he is to all. My heart aches with you today. When I found out last year, I sat and cried and then rang my husband who was at work and told him I loved him. You have our love from down here in the Huon and you are in our many thoughts and Prayers.

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  5. I'm so very sorry for your pain Lisa. I'm praying for your comfort and peace the gospel brings. Love from Utah.

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  6. Perfect Hall of Fame for an amazing man from a more amazing family. Love you guys xxxxxxxx

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  7. Lisa, I have been thinking of you a lot this week as I knew that 26th January was fast approaching. Our girls both celebrate their birthday today and it was late on that night last year that Erin came into my bedroom and told me the news. She had seen it on Facebook. I just couldn't believe it and all I could think was what will Lisa do now. I just wondered why it would happen right then and why did you have to go through that. How can a person go through so much. I also felt sad that your boys would grow up without their dad as I did. I remember phoning my sister Leonie who has been following your blog since Noah passed away.

    Thinking of you today and hoping that time will somehow heal the pain that you feel now. I loved the video clip. You are an inspiration to many Lisa. Love Vicki Travers xoxo

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  8. A beautiful blog post, Lisa. It must be so hard for you. I never knew Aaron, but I feel like I do from reading your blog.

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  9. My heart goes out to you today. One whole year. I love Aaron most for loving you with his whole heart, you'll be his one and only forever x

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  10. A scripture comes to mind as I read of your faith and courage as you valiantly continue alone what you yearn to do with your eternal companion,
    "For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us" (Romans 8:18)
    As far as I'm concerned, you've earned the glory girl! Aaron is just helping in getting it all ready for you because it's gonna be good. :) It couldn't be anything but amazing. I know that doesn't help what you are feeling NOW, but please know that your example and courage bless my life every day. I am sorry for the heartache that you are passing through. My God bless you and keep you.

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  11. I yelled at Shayne and told him "No! It can't be true!" I still feel like that now, so can only imagine how you must be feeling today and every day.
    We miss you really much too Aaron and Noah, and our lives will never be the same without you. xxxxx

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  12. My prayers are with you today as memories come flooding back.

    Robin
    Norwood, Tasmania 7250

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  13. I'm sitting in my kitchen in Utah, thousands of miles away from a family I've never met before, watching a video and bawling. My heart is breaking for you and your loss. Can't even imagine losing a son (I have 3 of them), let alone my husband as well!

    I have followed your blog since Aaron's passing and want to tell you how very, VERY much I admire your courage and strength. My testimony has been strengthened by leaps and bounds by your family's story.

    Please know how much of a difference their lives made and continue to make to people everywhere. And YOU continue to make a difference with the way you have carried on and taken care of your boys. Your strength is beyond my imagining.

    I pray for you and think of you daily. Take care, stay strong, and KNOW that he is proud of you and watching over you!!!

    --A sister in the gospel in Utah
    Melissa

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  14. I was at work when my Aaron messaged and told me that your Aaron had died. I messaged him back and told him he must have the wrong person, that you couldn't lose Noah and him! It was awful news. Unbelievable. You are an inspiration to us all. Aaron's death was a motivating factor in getting Aaron's heart problems checked out. Bring on eternity.
    Elissa. Xx
    Bit confusing writing that about the Aaron's!

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  15. Aaron (and Noah) would be immensely proud of you Lisa, everyone who knows you is proud of you and they way you are bringing up your boys, they are a credit to you and I really love keeping up with you guys, and it's makes me smile when I see how much Chrish is there for you guys and enjoys being on your adventures, you deserve to be proud of yourself every waking moment, those 3 boys of yours are delightful!!

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  16. Lisa, I've been thinking about this day coming and thinking about how hard it would be for you ... I just read your blog and at the part where you said You wondered if Aaron would be happy about the way that you are raising the boys without him, I just thought of course he would be proud of you. You are amazing, totally amazing. There are no words that anyone can say that will make it different or change the way you feel, but at least you know that there are many people out there that are supporting you in many ways and those of us that can only do it with words .... we are there too in thought. There is a lot of love out there heading your way and surrounding you. I bet Aaron is looking down and smiling and thinking what am amazing job you have done. xoxo p.s. God never gives us anything we can't handle, even when it feels like we can't ... he must have known that only you could do it and you have been one day at a time.

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  17. Oh I'm thinking of you with so much love and admiration. Your boys must be so proud... Sending all my love!

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  18. I'm crying when I'm watching you're video. He was such a great men. And I'm sure he will be so proud of you Lisa and you're sons. You're such a great and strong couple!
    Dineke

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  19. Sending love and light to you all xx

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  20. Dear Liza,
    From the Netherlands, a sympathetic greeting! With astonishment I read for a while with you. You're doing so good! I'm sure Aaron would be proud of you!
    You're a strong woman!
    But that does not mean you should never cry or be weak ... That is what makes you strong again.
    We pray your power and strength in these difficult days.

    compassionate greeting
    Heleen de Wit
    Netherlands

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  21. Been thinking of you all day yesterday. Prayers and love for you and your boys!

    Arizona

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  22. What a beautiful, heartfelt post. I nominated you for a an award on my blog. Paying for peace for you during this very hard time.

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  23. I'm just a follower of your blog, but I want you to know I'm praying for you today from Boston, MA. Thank you for sharing with us.

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  24. Beautiful post and video. Praying for you and your family. You are amazing and I am certain that Aaron is proud of you.
    ~Melanie

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  25. Sending prayers up for you and your boys.
    xx
    H

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  27. I have been thinking of you this week. Your words have always been such a gift. I've followed your blog for a long time now and your posts sharing your life have made me feel a tiny part of it. I cried when Noah passed, for you and all your family. I will never forget the moment when a Facebook notification popped up with "Then there were four", I'm pretty sure that was the title. I remember thinking what on earth could she mean, then oh she must mean four boys left together and re-organising life with just the four of them. As a complete stranger (well blog follower) I clicked on that link, my heart dropped, I was mouthing No No NO and I sobbed. I read it again the next morning as it just couldn't be true. Since then I hug my husband more and if there is ever a chance to even just metaphorically jump in the waves I do - because of Aaron.

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  28. I have no doubt that Aaron is proud of you and the wonderful job you are doing. I am grateful for the knowledge we have of eternal families. It brings some peace. {hugs}

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  29. I have thought of you and your loved ones so much, I found your blog a while ago and check up on you guys often. I agree you are doing a wonderful job with the boys and on your own. Love from New Haven, Connecticut.

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  30. A wonderful tribute.

    And the song?
    Perfect.

    =)

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  31. Finally got to watch the video Lisa (as I am usually just on my phone and it didn't work) Can't believe how you can tell so much about Aaron just from those photos - you can see the love in his eyes and the passion for all those things he loved. Such a hard thing to watch. X

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  32. Lisa,I do not know you and your beautiful family.I found you blog a while ago and your story touched me so much.I am so sorry about the loss of your amazing husband and son.My heart aches for you.Thank you for sharing these beautiful thoughts,stories and pictures.This video is absolutely beautiful.Hugs and love from Chicago,Ilinoiis.

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  33. Perfect song- the world is learning his name and people all over the world continue to be inspired by him. He is a role model for a husband, father, teacher and person.

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We are so grateful for everyone's love and support, and appreciate your comments xoxo

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