Tuesday, 15 January 2013

Memories of last summer

Last summer we had our first holiday without Noah at Bicheno.   It was a hard holiday, but we have a lot of happy memories from that holiday with Aaron as we spent time at Bicheno and Coles Bay.   It was just a couple of weeks before Aaron passed away.   

While we were at Swansea we thought we'd go for a drive to Coles Bay with Mum and Chrish, as he hadn't been there since he was a kid.  The East Coast is so beautiful.

We were so disappointed when we got to the turn off to Coles Bay to see that the roads were still closed because of the bushfires.  Because we weren't far from Bicheno we thought we'd keep going to Bicheno to have a look around.   The boys were excited to go to the blow hole again.

Jay and Kobe were excited to be there, but Harri went really quiet and wouldn't talk. He refused to come over to the blow hole and just sat there and kept looking down.  When I went over to ask him what was wrong he said that he kept thinking about Daddy because we came there last year, and felt really sad.
We went for a walk to Whalers lookout before having some hot chips for lunch.

We had lunch at the playground where we spent some time last year.  I clearly remember a photo I took with Aaron last year as we played together on the seesaw (and it was WAY too small for us to fit on comfortably!).
As sad as it sounds I just wanted to make sure I got a photo on the seesaw on my own.  It's still hard for me to get my head around the fact that my life is so different now.  It's crazy to think that it's over 12 months since Aaron and I sat there together, and almost 12 months since he died right in front of me.   It's crazy to me even now to know that I am now a widow and single mum.

We were disappointed we didn't get to go to Coles Bay, so the day after we drove to Bicheno we rang the Freycinet National Park visitors centre and they told us the roads were now open.  We were excited that we could go in and have a look around. I remembered how beautiful it was last year when we went, so was glad that Chrish also got to go while he is down as I know how much he loves touring around (we need a video here of Kobe moaning about the sun in his eyes! You would think it was killing him or something! :)

The first place we went to was the Cape Tourville lighthouse lookout.
While we were there I said to Chrish it was a pity we couldn't walk to the Wineglass Bay lookout because it's such a beautiful spot and we had paid the park fee to get in, so we shoud make the most of it.  It was nice to be able to go to Wineglass Bay with Eden and Steph, but it's so beautiful to see it from above as well.   I knew Kobe would be a pain if we all went as he was feeling really tired, and when he's tired and cranky he's a misery guts. 

Mum has a sore knee at the moment, so we knew that she wouldn't be able to make the walk to the lookout either, so we asked her how she felt about hanging at the carpark with Kobe and Harri (who wasn't keen to come either) while we 'quickly' went to the lookout.  She was happy to hang out with the boys while we did the 45 minute hike up to the lookout and back, which was great (thanks Mum!).

Chrish at the Coles Bay Lookout.  
It was quite a warm day and we were trying to do it as fast as we could to get back to Mum and the boys.  Jalen also came with us but it was a hot day and when we were about three quarters of the way up he'd had enough and decided to head back down to the car.  I don't think he realised how close we were to the top, or else he would've kept going.

I had considered doing the same and telling Chrish to keep going while I turned around as I felt like I was slowing him down a lot, but knew that it would be worth it once we got to the top.  I realised how unfit I've become over the last 6 months or so as I haven't been going to the gym regularly and have been eating crap all the time.  Once school goes back I plan on getting fit again (and hopefully losing some of the weight that I have put on since Aaron passed away).

The photo that I took of Kobe and Aaron on the saddle seat together last January is one of my favourite pictures of them ever. 
There were heaps of tourists around but we were able to get up high enough to get a pic without anyone around.   It was definitely worth the hike, and I'm glad we could go so Chrish could see it from above. 

I wish we could've had a similar photo to the one we took last year instead. I really don't know where the year has gone.  It's been the fastest year of my life, but with days that drag on forever. 


  1. I always knew you were beautiful, kind and funny, but now courageous is at the top of the list xxxxx

  2. How lovely to go back and visit those places xx

  3. very beautiful post Lisa...revisiting memories is always hard ...but your gorgeous pics are truly a tribute to a wonderful family filled to overflowing with LOVE...an eternal family "piloted" by a super strong and beautiful lady and mother....thank you for sharing this very personal part of your life with us...love ya heaps XXXXX

  4. It is so nice to see how much we enjoyed our holiday together.
    I think that the photo of Kobe and Aaron together is my very favourite.
    Oh, how I miss the 'boy'
    Love Mum.

  5. Lisa,
    Like the others I admire the strong woman and great mother you are but for some reason after reading this post I want to be able to go to God and tell him to give you your husband and son back. Some days it seems so unfair but I suppose those are the times when the memories are the most valuable of possessions. Keep on keeping on. I pray for your family all the time.

  6. When I read these posts with you and your brother and mom taking the kids on outings, I am grateful for families. I know mine would stand by me just like yours is standing by you and the boys.

    What would we ever do in this life without our families?


  7. I found your blog through another grieving mother... It is bad enough to lose a child, but also a husband? Im so so sorry for your heavy heavy heart. I hope your child and your husband are carrying you. I lost my 2 year old to a horrific drowning accident in my washing machine. yuck. It's amazing what we can live through. The time without my son has gone by so fast, as you said the year flew past. You seem to be strong, I know you are weak and cry when you're alone. I pray for comfort and peace in your family. May God bless you always.
    Much love from Oregon

  8. That pic of you and Aaron on the seesaw is so typical of the two of you....both so larger than life. And that pic of Kobe and Aaron is one Kobe can treasure always.


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