She gave me the option to pass on a question if it was too hard to talk about, but I told her that I didn't mind talking about anything. She said that a lot of people obviously talk about Aaron's death, but she wanted to hear about how we met, and fell in love before we talked about what it's been like since he passed away.
It was nice to share some stories about what he was like when we first met.
Just after Noah was born I heard a comment from someone who said that most couples who have a child with a disability end up splitting up. I was so angry when they said it and couldn't believe that they even said it to me, but it actually made me determined to prove them wrong.
Aaron and I grew to be best friends which is what I think got us through many hard years. There wasn't a lot of time for each other, but our relationship grew stronger as we learnt to rely on each other more than we ever had before. As Noah got older we realised that we needed to make more of an effort on our relationship as a couple, and we would take up the offer of babysitting whenever we could, so we could get out on our own.
I have heard many comments about 'moving on' and getting remarried. I'm not sure how you are meant to 'move on' from loving someone, especially when you were with them for seventeen years. I really don't know how you are supposed to 'move on' when you are grieving for your best friend, eternal companion and father of your children. I think that if I had 'moved on' already it wouldn't say very much at all about the relationship that Aaron and I had together.
I hate that Aaron isn't here, but I don't feel like I need to have a man in my life to make it complete. Aaron made it complete, and we will be together again one day. In the mean time I will forever have a hole in my life, but it's okay. I would rather spend the next fifty years being single, than to settle for someone else, just to fill in time.
I know that there will be many people reading this thinking that it's sad that I don't want to 'move on'. If one of my friends were in the same situation as myself, I would be so sad and heart broken for them and would wish them lots of happiness in their future. But happiness doesn't necessarily mean another relationship.
No one can really understand what it's like unless you have been in the same situation. I know many people get remarried, and that's okay too. But moving on is not something I want to do, or feel like I have to do. I feel like I need to learn to cope and live without him until we are together again, but that doesn't mean having another relationship. I laugh with Jalen about how Aaron used to always make jokes about if either of us died. He used to always say things like 'you could never get remarried anyway as no one would put up with you' or 'you couldn't find anyone as hot as me anyway'. I miss his silly jokes so much.