Saturday, 27 June 2015

Two Birthdays in Heaven

Yesterday would've been Noah's 14th birthday, and my Dad's 63rd.  I always felt sorry for Dad once Noah was born, because his birthday was kind of forgotten.  He didn't seem to mind at all though, and said he loved sharing his birthday with Noah.  It's still hard to believe that Dad isn't here anymore, and that they were celebrating together in Heaven this year.

I can't imagine Noah being 14 but will always think of him being ten.  On his last birthday on earth he slept the whole day away, and I think we knew that we probably weren't going to have many more birthday with him as we could see that his poor body was very tired, even before he got sick and ended up in ICU.   

I have found that the lead up to anniversaries, birthdays and other celebrations are usually harder than the actual day, but even though Noah's birthday was in my mind for the past month I was feeling okay about it.  For some reason I found my own birthday harder, even though I don't care about my own birthday (unlike Aaron who would decide on presents for his own birthday six months in advance!).   I think my own birthday is hard because even though I don't care about it, Aaron was always here to make sure that a bit of fuss was made, so it's even more obvious that he isn't here.

This year though I was actually feeling okay about Noah's birthday.  I wish more than anything that things were different and that he were still here, but the sadness and grief isn't as overwhelming. 

The lead up wasn't bad at all this time (being very busy helps!) but my beautiful friend Simone dropped in with a card, flowers and a yummy raw cheesecake from my favourite place to eat, on the day before Noah's birthday. She said she always knew the lead up was hard, and wanted to let me know she was thinking of me. I  joked that I felt okay so she should take them back, but happily ate the yummy cheesecake the night before Noah's birthday, and was very grateful for a friend who is always so thoughtful. 

I kept thinking about Mum with it being Dad's first birthday since he passed away, and wondered what she was doing for it, so we organised to meet up at his grave to leave some flowers and have brunch together.  I hate that Dad's grave is a bit of a drive from us, because I would like to visit more often, so it was nice to go there for his birthday. 

Kobe hasn't been feeling very well, so I let him have the day off school, but told him he would have to come with me to meet up with Grandma. He didn't mind at all, and was happy to go to visit Grandpa's grave for his birthday.

Mum and I had a bit of a laugh as Mum was telling us that just after Dad had passed away, she went to the cemetery and sat at a grave and had a big cry,  but she was sitting at the wrong one! Because Dad's grave still doesn't have a plaque, we weren't sure which one was his, and had to go back through my old Instagram photos to make sure we were at the right one. I'm sure Dad was having a little chuckle at us!
Kobe was excited to see Nan and Pop's grave and kept saying 'it has an ANZAC Day thing on it!'. 
We decided to go to the Raspberry Farm for brunch which was delicious.  Kobe was keen for pancakes, but didn't realise that it was going to have raspberry ice cream and raspberries on top. He's used to just plain pancakes with maple syrup and cream.  You should've seen his face when it came out! You would've thought that they had served him up something not worth  mentioning! Talk about fussy! I sacrificed my eating sugar free (it wasn't hard to convince was a birthday after all! :) and polished off his pancakes which were delicious, and he was happy to have plain pancakes, with maple syrup and vanilla ice cream.
After school we picked up some helium balloons and went to the cemetery to release them at Noah's grave. 

Kobe was obviously not feeling too sick, as he did a massive skid across the grass and got grass stains all over his jeans. Boys!
While we were at the raspberry farm, Mum pointed out a lady who used to be one of my favourite teachers in Primary School. She was my teacher in Grade 3, so I went up to her to say hello.  I told her she used to teach me and as soon as I said my name (using my maiden name) she remembered me and was so excited to have a chat. 

I told her I was a teacher and as we were leaving, she ran up to me with a bunch of flowers from her car. She said 'teachers deserve flowers from other teachers', and told me they were from her garden.   Such a lovely thing to say and do! I always remember her as the teacher who always took us outside to work in the garden.   The boys and I took the flowers up to Aaron's grave after school. 
After going to the cemetery Kobe and I went along to watch Harri play basketball (he is the one jumping).  It was nice to be busy, rather than just dwelling on the day.  Jay had organised to go to the movies with a couple of his mates, so we didn't see him again until later in the night.
All week the boys kept asking me what we would be doing for Noah's birthday, as they knew it probably  meant we would get takeaway for tea.  I asked them what they wanted to do and Harri said 'get KFC because Noah loved KFC!'.  I cracked up laughing and said 'yeah he always had it down his feeding tube!' and then Harri came back with 'no - he eats it up in Heaven now!'. 
After Jay got home we had birthday cake.  Harri and Kobe were both a little teary during the day and said they both felt sad, but overall it was a lovely day.  We joked about how Grandpa and Noah would've been partying up in Heaven together and hoped they saw the balloons we sent up. We miss them both very much.

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