Saturday, 6 June 2015

My baby turns 7

Kobe's birthday always seems to creep up on us. We know it's in June, but it's right at the beginning of June, so I start panicking in the last week of May when I realise that it's only a week or two away. 

Kobe has been counting down the days till his birthday for about a month and a half.  He kept saying 'I can't believe I'm almost seven!' and either can we. It makes me sad when I think that he was only three and a half years old when his Dad died and he had already lost his brother.  It's too much for a little boy to have experienced in such a short time.  But I'm so grateful that I had those feelings to have another baby, even though having another baby was the last thing I wanted.
He has made the last three and a half so much easier for all of us.  Some days we want to strangle him, but he keeps us laughing all the time and it's just what we have needed. How cute was he on the day of Aaron's funeral?
As lovely as it was to be awarded the title of 'Mother of the Year' I am definitely not the best Mum ever as poor Kobe has never had a birthday party with friends. He's had birthdays with family, but when Noah and then Aaron passed away it was all just too hard, and I've learned to cope just by doing what I know I can handle.

Parties are not my thing and I hate having to stress about it all - who to invite, the food, the cake, what to do, the cost, and how to keep them entertained.  I also think that kids don't really need to have a birthday party every year, so I'd been putting off having a big party for Kobe as long as possible. 

Last year I promised Kobe that he could have a birthday party when he turned 7, so he has been so excited about it.   When I woke him up on his birthday he straight away said 'yes! The day of my first birthday party ever!'.  Talk about a way to make me feel even worse! ;)  It was nice that he was so excited about it.  He jumped out of bed so fast and couldn't wait to open his presents.  

He requested pancakes for breakfast but I convinced him that choosing a special cereal that he doesn't usually get to have would be easier before school (see definitely not Mother of the Year!) so he was happy with Cocoa Pops.

It was nice that his birthday fell on my day off work, as it meant I could meet his class for their excursion to the museum.  He was so happy that I could come along.

The grade 1 classes have been learning about the Tasmanian Tiger and I had already supported two of my EAL students on the same excursion this week, so if you want to know anything about the Tassie Tiger I'm now an expert!
I don't dread birthdays and celebrations as much as I used to but it's hard not to feel sad on birthdays and anniversaries, because you just wish everyone was here for these extra special days. 

I haven't been to the cemetery for a while - probably a couple of months, which is pretty amazing considering there was a time where I would go once a day.  All day I just kept thinking about Aaron and how much I wished he was here.  I kept getting thoughts to go to the cemetery, but I was busy all day - first of all watching Harri at music competitions, then going on Kobe's excursion and getting ready for the party.  But the next thing I knew I was driving into the cemetery.  I think I just really wanted to feel Aaron close that day and I just wanted to spend some time sitting at his grave.

I couldn't stop thinking about how excited Aaron was the day that Kobe was born.  He only ever wrote one post on my blog and it was the day that Kobe was born.  He was just so happy and proud, and I sat at his grave and read the post he wrote, and laughed to myself about the funny things he wrote.  I  miss that funny man so much.

After I sat for a while at Aaron's grave, I went to visit Noah's and it was lovely but also sad to see Mia's Mum and siblings at her grave with balloons.  Mia passed away two years ago on Kobe's birthday, and her Mum and I had a huge hug and talked about how crazy it is that we are meeting at the cemetery. 
Kobe couldn't wait to get home from school so we could get going to his party.  I thought for a second about having a party at home, but decided I would rather pay the extra to have the kids entertained somewhere else.   He really wanted to go to Airtime 360 which is an indoor trampoline place, but it wasn't open late after school. I tried to convince him to have his party on the weekend, but he desperately wanted to have it on the day of his birthday, so we ended up having it at laser tag. 

Kobe invited six of his friends from school, and some friends from church and their siblings.  He loved running around with his friends, playing laser tag.

He was very spoiled with some lovely presents from everyone - again lots of footy things. 
The lovely cupcake fairy has been so kind in making us birthday cakes each year since Aaron passed away, and I don't at all expect her to keep doing it for us.  She has been unwell and is taking time off at the moment, and sent Kobe a birthday message apologising for not being able to make his cake this year. I told her I don't expect her to, and was glad that Kobe was happy with an ice cream cake again this year, because having to make a cake would've stressed me out big time.  Aaron was the one who usually made or at least decorated the boy's cakes. 
He had a lovely birthday and it was nice to see him have so much fun with his friends.  When I put him to bed that night though he started crying and said how much he was missing Daddy.  I'm not sure how much he can remember about Aaron after three and a half years, but there's no doubt that he knows how hard it is to not have your Dad here, especially on special days like your birthday. 

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