Ready for Santa

Even though we saw Santa when we were in Melbourne and had a photo with him, we couldn't miss seeing our favourite Santa again this year.  We have been going to him for so many years now, and were I was sure he was the real Santa as he would remember Noah's name every year!

He is such a lovely man and it touched me so much when he turned up to Noah's funeral.  I had no idea who he even was, but he came up to me and said 'I'm Santa Claus' and explained who he was and said he heard Noah passed away and wanted to come to his funeral.

The boys were so excited to see him yesterday.  Jay is a great sport and even though he's older he makes it fun for the boys, and is still happy to jump in a photo with him.  Harri said that some people at school are telling him that Santa isn't real, but assured me that he still believes in Santa, and that if you don't believe in him then he doesn't come. 

I don't expect Santa to remember us each year (it was easy to remember Noah when he would see him come along in his bright yellow wheelchair each year) so I reminded him we were Noah's family and he was so happy to see us and asked me how I was going. He was so lovely to the boys.  Harri and Kobe know that the Santa we visit isn't the real Santa, as Santa is so busy at this time of the year, but Harri was sure he was going to remember his name, and wasn't going to give him any hints when Santa was looking at him for Harri to tell him his name :)  

A few years ago we discovered the awesome free website where Santa sends personalised video messages and lets you know if you are on the naughty or nice list.   I videoed the boys watching their videos.  Santa knew that this year Jay had to try hard at school and that Harri and Kobe had to try hard to be nice to their brothers.  Santa said they needed to try harder if they wanted to be on the good list this year, so I think I'm going to have three very good boys for the next two days! ;)

Kobe cracks me up as he is just so cheeky and funny.  He had Aaron's sense of humour even though he is only five, and made me laugh when he joked with us that he wanted a Barbie and a unicorn for Christmas :)  I love watching Harri's face as he anticipates what he's going to say.

 Before seeing Santa we went and sat at Noah's grave and had a picnic lunch.  Harri was disappointed that Kobe and I had already gone up to the cemetery to decorate Noah's tree without them, but we were finding it hard to find a night when we weren't busy to go up to decorate it together.

Kobe loved doing it on his own.



I am still dreading Christmas this year, but I'm not feeling as anxious about is as I was last year.  I have hated Christmas shopping on my own, and not having Aaron to talk to about what to get the boys.  Going into town and seeing everyone 'happy' (I know that everyone has something going on and that not everyone is happy even though it looks that way), and hearing the Christmas music and seeing all the Christmas things around is really hard and I get into town thinking I'll be okay, but then just find myself not coping with it as well as I thought I was, and can't wait to get out of there, and home again where it feels 'safe' and I can just hide away from things as much as I want.

Aaron always loved wrapping the presents and really got into the whole thing, so it's been a hard week as I've tried to get organised on my own with doing the Christmas shopping, wrapping presents and trying to be excited about it for the boys. 

I love this photo that our friend Alison took for us.  It makes me smile a lot and makes me so grateful for my boys who are getting me through the hard days.  I'm hoping Christmas Day will be easier than last year and that the boy's excitement will get me through it all.