Christmas Wishes

Last December I couldn't face putting up the Christmas tree and luckily the boys were very understanding, so this year I've tried extra hard to make an effort for the boys.  When Aaron and Noah were here we started putting up our tree earlier as we would get excited for Christmas, but this year I waited until the 1st December to put it up.   I think it's a lot easier to set up this year because we have moved house since last Christmas, and we found the perfect spot for it, in our sunroom.   The boys were really happy to put it up and were excited to look at all of our old decorations they had forgotten about. 
Just after we started to decorate it we all talked about how Aaron loved putting the Christmas carols on while we were doing it, so Jay ran and got some carols.   He made me smile when he found all the old classics that Aaron used to play including some old Hi-5 carols and Mariah Carey's 'All I Want for Christmas'.   I think it was a bit too much for him though because after a little while, Jay came over to me in tears and just wanted a hug.  

Once he had a little cry, it was nice to see him have some fun and enjoy finishing off the decorating.


It really made me realise that Jay is now the man of the house when he lifted up Kobe to put the star on the top.  That was always Aaron's job as he would lift either of the boys up to do it. 

When Harri found this decoration he just came over to me and showed it to me, and didn't say a word.  I gave him a hug and told him that some good friends of ours gave it to us just after we were married.  He didn't say anything but just went and put it on the tree.

I tried to restrain myself and didn't rearrange the decorations too much, but the boys did a great job on their own. I just added the finishing touches. 

I love seeing all our special decorations that have been given to us since Noah and Aaron passed away.

I love having a mantle piece now, as it means I have the perfect spot for my nativity set.

Last year we didn't really do much leading up to Christmas. It was all just too hard and I just wanted to get through the month.   I still feel the same this year, but I'm not feeling so anxious about it.  It's still very hard seeing everyone get so excited about Christmas, but I feel like I can cope with doing a few more things this year.

Last week my family all came in for tea and we had all the kids act out the nativity scene.  It was hilarious and we rummaged through the costume box to find enough costumes so that each kid could wear something.  It made us laugh that Kelsea who was supposed to be a sheep was wearing a rabbit suit, Kobe who was a shepherd was wearing a cowboy jacket, Lachie who was the donkey was wearing a real kangaroo skin,  Harri who was Joseph was wearing a police shirt and Jalen who was a wise man was wearing a very small Chinese hat! 

Last weekend we went along to an activity at church which was 'A Night In Bethlehem'.   It was a great night and we had fun dressing up.  Kobe kept telling me that the t-shirt I bought for him was too big, so I told him that in those days the men wore things that looked like dresses.  He thought it was hilarious and kept saying to Jay and Harri all night 'did you know that the men wear dresses!?'.

We are all still up and down all the time, but it's nice to see the boys smile more as they get excited for Christmas. I wish I could feel the same way, but I'm glad that it's not as hard as last year. I still want to hide away but I'm glad that I feel a lot stronger this year and can face it a bit more. The boys have each got a list a mile long for things they want but I only have two wishes for Christmas, but unfortunately they can't come back.