18 Months

On Friday it was 18 months since Aaron passed away.  We thought it would be nice to get away and do something that Aaron would've loved, so we went to stay with my sister Nicki and her family in Melbourne for a couple of days, so we could go and watch a blockbuster footy game - Hawks V Essendon.  

The boys love seeing their cousins and it's so nice to see how excited they are to see the boys.   Linc was always all over them and held onto Jay's and Harri''s arm in the car.

Nicki dropped us off at the train station before she went to pick up 'little' Alex from school, so that we could all go into the city on the train since we couldn't all fit in the car.  It was lucky for us as there was a Max Brenner there so we made the most of it.

 We caught the train and tram into the city so we could go to the museum. 

I remember going to the museum with Mum and Dad when I was eleven when we went on a big family holiday to the mainland.  The only thing that I could remember from the museum was that the race horse Phar Lap was there, so it was cool to see that it was still there.

The museum was great and there was so much to see and do.  We spent hours there and still didn't really see everything. 

Later in the day Nicki caught the train back home with her kids while the boys and I spent some time in the city.  We were proud of ourselves jumping on and off trams and finding our way around on our own.  We went to the Docklands before the footy and the boys thought it was so fun to be able to play in some snow which they had brought in for a month. I'm hoping that this will count as our trip to the snow this year!?

We met Nicki and Alex and then walked down to the water to watch some fireworks which they were putting on every Friday night in July.  It was so cool and they went for about fifteen minutes and they had music playing which matched the fireworks.

We then walked to Etihad Stadium to watch the footy.  The boys were so excited as we hadn't been to Etihad before. 

The game was a sell out but we were very lucky to be given tickets from the Hawthorn football club, which we were very grateful for. 

 

When we sat down a guy behind us cracked us up as he started heckling us straight away as he was a Bombers supporter.  He looked at me and said 'you're going to regret sitting here with your boys!'.  The boys thought he was hilarious, even though he kept stirring us the whole game. 

The Hawks thrashed the Bombers and even at the end the guy was making us laugh as he would yell 'there's still time Essendon!' with two minutes left in the game, even though Hawthorn were winning by over fifty points.  Harri would look at me and say 'there's no way that Essendon will win Mum!' and didn't get that the guy was just being funny.  

Harri and Kobe were screaming the whole game, and were loving the atmosphere.  While we were walking to the game Alex said that there would probably 'be some fireworks at the football' meaning that there may be a few fights between the players but Kobe didn't get what he was meaning.  Half way through the game he said 'see Mum - there's no fireworks here because there's a roof on!'. 

It was funny hearing a lady sitting behind us comment on Kobe's guernsey as it has a lot of the player's signatures on it.  It reminds you how lucky we are in Tasmania to be able to get up close and personal with the players so often. 
The boys were so happy with the result of the game and we had a really fun night.  The guy who was heckling us during the game was a great sport and even shook Alex's hand at the end to congratulate him.

The next day we were excited to go to see the building of this season's TV show of The Block.  It has been our favourite season so far, so it was cool to see the hotel that they had renovated and turned into apartments.   It was great timing as yesterday was the day of the auctions, which aired on TV tonight.  We had a very exciting time there which I will blog about later.   

We miss Aaron so much and Harri and Kobe are especially struggling at the moment.   Kobe's behaviour is terrible at the moment and he is feeling really angry again.  Harri has been crying a lot saying he wishes that Aaron didn't have a hole in his heart (as he did when he was born which is the cause of his heart problems) and has been having trouble sleeping again. 

It's hard to believe it has already been 18 months since Aaron passed away, but then it feels like we haven't seen him forever.   It was nice to get away for the weekend and do something fun and try to have a break from the grief for a little while.  Sometimes it seems to help and other times it makes it harder as you really wish that Aaron could be joining us as we do fun things together. 

I don't know that it ever gets easier at all, just that you adjust more.

It's Cool

Today Kobe and I went to the cemetery.   Some days he doesn't like to get out of the car because he says that it 'makes him sad to visit Dad and Noah'.  Other days he's quite happy to run around the children's section and play with Noah's things. 

He always makes sure he says bye to Noah and Aaron when he walks away from their graves, and today I caught it on my phone.  When he was at Aaron's grave he was so cute as he pointed to the plaque and said 'it's cool! It says my name'.

My sister was talking to me last night about how their youngest son Linc is now the same age that Kobe was when Aaron passed away.   It makes me so sad to know that Kobe has gone through so much in his short life, but it's also a blessing that he's so young because as much as he misses Aaron and Noah, he also has coped the easiest with everything.

The rest of us definitely don't think it's very cool having our names on two plaques at the cemetery.  

Back in Routine

We are getting used to school holidays without Aaron and Noah, but the days are still very long if we don't plan to do anything.  I was glad that we decided to spend a week in Sydney as it meant the holidays weren't too long  During our last week of holidays we didn't plan to do very much which was good and bad at the same time.  It was good as we are all so tired and needed to just catch up, but it also meant the days were long, especially as it's the middle of winter and we couldn't get outside much.

Long days with two boys who are very strong willed meant lots of arguing and lots of stress.  One day I told Harri that I had enough of him bossing Kobe around and that night I went into Harri's room and saw that he had written this on his whiteboard.

It obviously didn't work very well, because yesterday he said 'I guess I still better leave up my goal since I'm still bossing him!'.  Harri and Kobe argue all day long, but are also best friends most of the time.   Both of them have been extra sad over the two weeks of school holidays and have especially been missing Aaron.  They talk about Noah too, but whenever they are sad it's usually because they are really missing Aaron.   I think that being out of our regular routine makes things so much harder for all of us. 

Harri had been going so well at sleeping in his own bed since moving to our new house, but over the last week he has spent more nights in my bed than in his.  Kobe has also been waking up in the middle of the night and coming into my bedroom crying and saying that he is missing Daddy and says he wants to sleep in bed with me 'because I'm sad'.  It means I hardly get any sleep when they're in my bed, but it's nice to wake up to these faces in the morning.

We did have some fun during our last week of the holidays, and loved going to our last Hawthorn game in Tasmania for the year.  It's always so fun to watch our favourite team and feel very lucky that we get to see them so often.  

I started my new job today, going back to teaching after having fourteen years 'off'.  It's very scary but I'm sure that I will love it.  When I came home with my staff key the boys were very excited.  Harri asked 'so are you a REAL teacher then Mum!?' as he realised that it was the same as what the other teachers have.  He thinks it's very exciting that I'm a teacher and is so happy to be able to see me at school during the day.  Kobe said that if I have one of those keys to wear it 'means you are a boss at school'.  I told them they had better be good because it means I can 'boss' them and put them in 'time out' if I want to ;)

Tomorrow the boys go back to school and it will be great to get back into our regular routine.  Having a routine makes the days go quicker and makes it easier for all of us.  Hopefully once the boys are back at school they will have a bit of a distraction, and won't feel so sad.

Our Last Day in Sydney

We had such a lovely time in Sydney with my brother.  I was so tired by the end of the week, and was glad that we had another week of holidays at home before school goes back. 

On our last day in Sydney we didn't fly out till early evening.  In the morning I spent some time at the temple of our church while the boys played mini golf with Chrish.  I like going to the temple in Melbourne or Sydney, but the Sydney temple is extra special to me as it's where Aaron and I were married.

Afterwards Chrish suggested that we go to La Perouse to have a look as it was close to the airport. It is where Botany Bay National Park is and it was interesting to see the area where the first fleet arrived. 

This stone tower was constructed in 1820 to house soldiers who were there to prevent smuggling.

 Chrish told us that the movie 'Mission Impossible' was filmed here at Bare Island Fort.

He told us there were some awesome rocks and formations here, and we didn't really know what to expect until we walked down and underneath. 


 The sandstone cliffs were amazing!

 

 

It was such a great place to visit before we flew home.

When I knew we were going to Sydney I contacted my cousin Carli to see if we could catch up while we were up there.  We had to laugh when we realised that she would be in Tasmania visiting family, the whole time we were in Sydney.  It was so funny to see her when we arrived home at the airport.  She was through the glass as we were coming in, as they were just about to leave to fly home to Sydney. 

We were trying to talk through the glass and just wanted to hug each other, so we tried to do it through the glass.
I did end up running up and going through security, so I could quickly give her a hug before she left.  It will be nice to see each other again soon, as it's not long before I have an exciting trip to Sydney planned.  Next time it will be without my boys which I'm anxious about, but I'm really looking forward to it. 

'You Don't Realise How Much I Love Her!'

While were staying with my brother Chrish in Sydney, one of the highlights for the boys was spending time with his new labrador puppy 'Tess'. 

Jalen has been the one who has really wanted a dog for a while, so he was so upset that he couldn't do much with Tess because of his fractured arm, as she is an active puppy and it was just too hard for him to get too close in case he got knocked.

For the past four years Harri has becoming braver around dogs.  He had an incident with a dog that used to live across the road from us, and ever since then he has been terrified of dogs.  The first couple of days that we were at Chrish's house he and Kobe were really scared of Tess, especially if she came inside.  They would run which would make Tess get excited and that would make them worse.  They spent a lot of time sitting up on the couch away from her for the first couple of days.

 Jay was more than happy to sit down with her and give her a pat though.

Then one morning Harri and Kobe took Tess for a walk to the park with Chrish.  They loved throwing a ball to Tess at the park and came back so excited to tell me all about it.  After that they kept begging Chrish every day to take Tess for another walk to the park
By the end of the week Harri was begging Chrish to let Tess come in the house at night, and had so much fun playing with her and patting her.  Chrish taught the boys how to be firm with Tess and they were so excited to show me how they could use their big voices to make her sit down or to get the ball.  

On the day that we left Sydney Harri was in tears all the way to the airport.  He was sobbing saying that he didn't want to go home, and wanted to stay with Tess because he loved her so much. He kept saying 'you don't realise how much I love her Mum and how sad I am!'.  Since we've been home he has been texting Chrish numerous times a day asking how Tess is and asks Chrish to send him photos of her. 

 I do admit that it was lovely seeing the boys have so much fun with a dog, and I'm very slowly coming around to the idea that maybe a dog may be good...maybe.

Worth the Train Trip

We are back home from Sydney now and luckily the weather isn't quite as cold as it was while we were away.  It's still fresh, but 3 degrees Celsius in the morning, is a lot nicer than the -3 degrees Celsius that it was while we were in Sydney.  Everyone keeps telling us how cold it was, so I feel extra lucky to have had such beautiful weather in Sydney.

My favourite day that we had in Sydney was actually a day that Chrish went to work.   It wasn't because he went to work (I promise Chrish!) but because it was such a beautiful sunny day.   It's amazing how the sun and a bit of warmth can make you feel so much better.

We jumped on the train to go into the city, which Kobe moaned about before we even got on the train.  The novelty of catching trains quickly wore off for him and he said the hour trip to the city was 'boring'.   I actually loved it as I could enjoy an hour relaxing.  We caught the train right to Circular Quay and then decided to catch the ferry to Manly.   When I saw the seagulls near the harbour, I couldn't stop thinking about Finding Nemo :)


At Manly we had lunch on the beach and ended up just sitting and playing on the beach for about an hour, enjoying the sunshine with the rest of the tourists.

Kobe and Harri had lots of fun running up and down the beach and digging holes, while Jay and I soaked up some vitamin D (to hopefully strengthen his broken arm).

I actually ended up having a little nanna nap on the beach and literally had to drag myself away from the beach to catch the ferry back to Circular Quay. It was so warm and relaxing, I could've stayed there for hours. 

Back at Circular Quay we had fun watching the different buskers.  The Aboriginal one was more than happy for people to jump in for a photo with him, but Kobe was too scared to.   He handed Jay the didgeridoo and told him he could hold it because he only had one good arm.

The boys were fascinated with a busker who did fire juggling as well as juggling with fire, a sword and a running chainsaw - all at the same time!   He then climbed up on a bike and did some juggling up there as well. 

We were very proud of ourselves knowing our way around the trains and the city and feel like we know Sydney quite well now.  We had a lovely day and it was definitely worth another 'boring' train trip.