On Australia Day it was six years since Aaron passed away. This year the lead up to the day wasn't as hard as other years, but Facebook memories popping up definitely didn't help. There were a lot of memories coming up the week before, reminding me of things we were doing before he died. It's still strange to read those memories and to know what happened just afterwards. It's kind of like I'm watching a movie and I know it's going to have a sad ending and you don't want to get to the end for it to happen.
I knew that I wanted to make it a fun day as it could be so easy to just feel sorry for myself and let the day overwhelm me, so we planned a beach day and then some fun with family and friends afterwards.
It was lovely to arrive at the beach and see friends from work there, who I didn't know would be there. The boys had fun playing cricket, and the weather was beautiful.
Simone and her family joined us at the beach and I couldn't stop laughing at Emerson who was loving having some Pepsi for Aaron.
used to coach their school footy team, and after he passed away they won the Premiership. At that game they had a big photo of Aaron and they dedicated the win to him. When I went to the cemetery I saw a photo that they had left there at his grave, which was of the team after their premiership win.
I miss the closeness I had with him. We would tell each other everything, and everything was just so comfortable. We relied on each other, especially as we cared for Noah together. I really have no one that I talk to about everything anymore and that's hard. I have great friends and family, but it's not the same as having Aaron here.
The other day Harri said our life would be so different if Aaron and Noah were still here, and we talked about what we thought would be different. I know if Aaron was here we wouldn't be living where we are now. I doubt that I would be an EAL (English as an Additional Language) teacher and wonder if I would even be teaching at all. Life is good now, as in we are happy and dealing with things quite well, but life will never ever be full of the joy that we had when Aaron and Noah were here with us.
I keep busy and try to create new happy memories with the boys, but always in the back of my mind is that Aaron should be here with us. It's still really hard being around couples and families, and seeing what we are missing out on. It's hard having to raise the boys on my own, and know that they rely on me so much emotionally, physically and financially. But then I don't have a choice but to deal with what has happened, and I hope that Aaron is looking down and is happy and proud with how I'm dealing with things.
It doesn't matter if it's six months, six years or sixty years. I'm always going to feel like there's a part of me missing, but the only thing I can do is continue on without him and try to make the best life that we can without him.