10 Years without him

Time is a weird thing.  Ten years can feel like forever, but also like it was just a few years ago. On Australia Day it was ten years since Aaron passed away. 

It used to feel like he could just walk in the door at any time and things would be the same as they always were, but over the last couple of years it's starting to feel like he's never been here. I feel like I've been a single mum forever and it's getting hard to remember when I wasn't bringing the boys up on my own.  He's missed out on so much of their lives, and so much has happened in my life since he passed away. 

I wanted to go to the beach for Australia Day but wasn't keen on just going to the beach we usually go to with family and friends.  Australia Day is no longer the same and I didn't want to rely on other people to make the day okay, so I planned a road trip with the boys and Mum as I didn't want to be disappointed if the day wasn't as fun as I thought it would be. I also wanted it to be different to every other beach day we had over the summer holidays. 

My friend Simone messaged me a week before and asked what we were going to be doing. I told her we were going to the NW coast to a place that I'd wanted to go for a while - Trowutta Arch and then on the way back we were going to stop at Sisters Beach. She asked me if we wanted company or would prefer to be on our own, and I told her that of course I would love her to join us. 

We met at Smithton and she gave me a beautiful gift and also Jay a lovely house warming present (a plant and treats) to take to his new share house in Hobart. We then followed each other to Trowutta Arch from there. 

It was a lovely short walk from the car park. 

We then headed to Sisters Beach. We went there for the first time last Easter and loved it so much, and hoped there were going to be big waves. 

We of course had to have Pepsi for Aaron. 

It was so windy at the beach,  but it meant that the waves were awesome. 

We stayed in the water for about an hour and only got out because we got tired as the waves were so massive. The water was so warm and even Simone (who hates swimming in cold water) said it was the best beach day she'd ever had. Aaron would've loved seeing us jump in the waves for him, as it's what we did on the day that he died. 

We had such a lovely day and I was glad that I decided to do our own thing. We were so lucky to have good weather, as I was told that the weather back at the beach we  usually go to near Mum's was rainy and cold all day.   

Grief never goes away  but time does help it to sit in the background, rather than being all I think about. There are still times when it pops back up and it feels very raw again, but I'm grateful that although Australia Day was once the worst day of my life, that we have been able to make it a day that we have look forward to and have fun together.