I started blogging in 2007 after my cousin Toni started blogging. She suggested that I should start too because she said we were 'always doing something interesting' that I could share with family and friends. Toni is always up with what's new, so I figured if she was doing it, then it must've been been pretty cool, even though not many people were really blogging yet. This was even before there was the term 'Mummy bloggers'. Back then I didn't even know what a blog even was, or why someone would want to write a blog, let alone that anyone would even read them.
I decided to give it a go because I thought it would be a fun way to keep a family journal as I loved taking photos, and could include text and pics. I also thought it would be a fun way to let friends who lived far away, know what we were up to.
Before I knew it, I was obsessed with making sure I documented everything. I think it was because I realised that Noah wouldn't always be with us, so I wanted to make sure that I didn't forget a thing. It became a bit of an obsession - if I didn't do a blog post each day I felt a little stressed (okay sometimes I felt very stressed!) and a few people started to read it, and would make comments so I felt like I had to keep posting.
When Noah and then Aaron passed away, I was so glad that I decided to start blogging, because it meant that I had so many memories documented. I often catch Harri sitting at the computer going through old blog posts, and sometimes it's not a good thing as he always ends up in tears because he's missing Aaron and Noah so much.
I don't blog as often now for a few reasons - I don't have as much to share, I'm too busy to post as often and also I don't want to share as much for my boy's sake. I often get stopped by strangers who will say hi and will tell me they read my blog, and they always say they feel like they know us. People ask me if it's strange that people think they know us, and I don't think it is because that's what you have to expect when you put your lives out there publicly, and it's so nice when people want to say hi, but I always say that people don't really know us. What you see on a blog is only what I choose to share. There's so much that I don't share, or say because there's a lot of things that should be kept private.
There's so much that has gone on with the boys and myself that I haven't shared publicly, because I don't think it's fair for the boys for everyone to know everything that they're going through.
Sometimes I find myself clicking on an old blog post, and then another, and another, and I find myself still going through old posts hours later. It's so wonderful to be able to look back on things, and it makes me realise how bad my memory is, because I've forgotten about so many things! Thank goodness I started blogging all those year ago, because I really wouldn't remember very much without it.
I decided that I wanted to change my blog header up once Kobe started walking, as I thought one day how cool it was that all our legs were so different - Kobe with his tiny but chubby legs, Jay and Harri with their skinny legs and Noah in his wheelchair.
It then became fun to change the header with each season, but the boys moaned and groaned about it as it took forever to get the camera set up in the right position and then to run back before the timer went off!
One year my friend Lynne told me I needed a mid season blog header, so we decided to do this one. I actually loved it so much that I have it as a big canvas in our dining room. Even though we can't see our faces I still love it, because it's our whole family together, and it never really ages. It was taken about a year before Noah passed away, and it's always how I will remember our family together - tiny Kobe and Noah in his chair.
I took this while setting up the camera, and at the time I probably could've deleted it, but now I'm so glad that I didn't.
I especially love this one, even though it's not the perfect photo. This was always going on while I was setting up the camera, and it would usually end up in Kobe wanting to join in as well, and then me getting cranky because Aaron had made them all get out of line! :)
It was hard enough to get the boys to cooperate to do it sometimes, let alone dragging Noah out in the freezing cold in winter, so one year we decided to improvise. I only told family and friends what we did until now, and the other day I was going through some old photos on the computer and found these ones, and it cracked me up, and thought it was time to share it on my blog.
We decided it was way too cold to take Noah out in the frost, but wanted to get a new winter header, so we left him in his warm bed, and just made it look like he was in his wheelchair.
Kobe was obviously loving being out while it was so cold ;)
Our blog headers are a lot different since Aaron and Noah passed away. First of all we did a couple of headers without their photos in them, but we aren't a family of four.
It just doesn't seem right if they aren't in the header with us, so I like these ones much more (thanks Alison!).