The 8th

I'm not sure how to process time at the moment. I'm not sure whether to think more about it being '4 weeks' or 'one month'. Last Saturday was 4 weeks since Noah passed away, but today is the 8th which means it's a month.  I'm not a big person for dates and times, so I've actually gotten through a Saturday or two since Noah passed away without thinking 'after 7 pm it'll be .... since Noah passed away', but today I couldn't help but think about it being the 8th.

I was woken up by the rain about 6.15 am this morning and my first thought was 'Great! the garden is being watered' and then my next thought was 'I'll have to find the umbrella so I can get Noah to the bus without getting him wet'.

As soon as I thought it... I remembered.

I was telling a friend this morning that when I wake up and remember it's not an awful heavy, scared, sad feeling like I had after Noah was diagnosed.  When he was diagnosed with hydran I would wake up for months and just feel sick, scared and sad as soon as I remembered.  This time it's very different. I'm sad and feel empty because I'm missing him and wishing he was still with us, but I feel 'okay' about it, meaning that I'm at peace with the whole thing.  It doesn't mean it's easy, and it doesn't mean there aren't tears every day, but I feel at peace.

Today Aaron went back to to work full time. He's done a day here and there over the last month, but today he went back full time.  It just happened to fall on the month mark since Noah passed.  He said his day was okay 'but sad'.  Being the first day 'on my own' (if you can call hanging with Kobester 'on my own') I had a busy day planned.  It was nice to get back to the gym after having a couple of weeks off and then spend a few hours with Simone (poor Kell was stuck home with sick kids).  

You can never have too many memories, so I'm so grateful for something special that the nurses arranged for us the day the Noah passed away. 


They gave us a beautiful box which they had made up with lots of special things in it to help us remember that day.


Inside it was a beautiful verse which one of the ICU nurses had written out.

As well as other things to help us remember that day with Noah.  After he passed away we cut some of the back of his hair and kept it in the box.  We also got more the day that we dressed him for his funeral, and I'm wishing now that we got even more than we did.

In the box was a lovely book which everyone who was with Noah on his last day wrote in.

Jalen wrote something so beautiful to him and before he passed away, he spent about ten minutes with him and actually read him what he had written in the book.

We took some foot and finger prints and the nurses also gave us the hospital tag that he was wearing to keep.

We treasure it so much and have it put in a very safe and special spot so we can look at it often.