Four Months Without You

Hi Honey,
It's hard to believe that we haven't seen you for four months. It's hard to believe that you are really gone and are never coming back. We miss you so much. The days are so long without you.  At night I just go to bed early because there is nothing else to do, so I try to sleep so I don't miss you so much.

The boys are doing okay. Harri is actually pretty good. He seems quite happy and is enjoying school and footy. He keeps saying that Friday nights aren't the same without you watching Friday Night Footy with him.

Jay is slowly getting there, but is so sad and just misses you so much. He's not the same Jay we used to know. There is a glimmer of it every now and then, but most of the time he just looks pale and sad.

Kobe is Kobe and is keeping everyone laughing. He's turned very naughty but he's lucky he's cute as it means he gets away with it most of the time.  He misses you a lot, but is happy most of the time and just enjoying life, like he always does.

We were going to release some balloons to you and Noah today but stupid me in my brain fog at the moment, threw out the wrong helium tank.   Instead of throwing out the empty one, I obviously threw out the brand new one that I bought! I could've kicked myself when I went to fill up some balloons today and there was no helium left and I realised what I had done.

Instead we picked some of the roses that you planted in the garden for Noah today and took them up to your grave.  It's still hard to believe that your body is down there.

You and Noah are what I think about all day - even if I am busy doing other things.  I wonder whether you are thinking about us all the time too, or whether you are too busy?  The boys all wrote a letter to you today and took it up to your grave.  Kobe said you couldn't read it 'cause he died', but I told him that I bet you could read it anyway.  

Kobe told me what to write and then wanted to draw his hand for you.  As you can see he's getting bigger and bigger every day.

As you can see Harri is pretty happy.  He misses you a lot, but is doing well.  He drew a picture for you of Jesus, with you and Noah in Heaven.

Dear Dad,
I really really miss you i wish you were still here life is 1000 time worse and harder when you are not around. :( I miss your jokes and how we mucked around at night. Why did you have to go? why can't you come back? I would do anything to see you again! School is terrible.  I can't get my work done. I had my comedy festivel last week that was so much fun. My YouTube channel is going well. Dad please come back with Noah i miss you very much.

Love your favourite son Jalen :(

We also went to visit Noah's grave today before heading out to Westbury so I could do a photo shoot.  The boys had lots of fun at Simon and Simone's house and didn't want to leave.  We then had tea with Pip and Ben. It was a nice day, even though it was the 26th.

I wish I understood why this is all happening. I wish I could change it. I wish you didn't have to be with Noah right now. I wish so many things, but the things I wish for the most can't happen.  Instead I just hope that the boys and I can get through this okay.

Please give Noah a big hug from me and tell him how much I love and miss him too. I wish I could see those big brown eyes and chubby cheeks and could just give him a big cuddle.
I love you and miss you so much.
Love,
Lisa
xoxoxox