Creating Happy Memories

I knew I wanted to go to Hobart for the anniversary of Noah's death to have some fun, and we had an amazing couple of days at Port Arthur and on the Tasman Island Cruise but the thing we loved the most was spending time with family and friends, while we were down there. 

My brother Jared picked up Mum from our hotel after we arrived and it's always good to see him, even if it's only for a few minutes.   Everyone who knows him well knows Jared as 'Buffy' and he's definitely a gentle giant. 

It's very unusual to get a photo without him sticking his middle finger up, so we will treasure these photos! People commented on my Instagram that it must've been because he was in his work uniform. 

The first night we were there we had dinner with our good friends Dan and Lou and the kids.  Dan and I grew up together since we were little kids as our families were very close.  Aaron and I used to have him and his brother Josh come and have sleepovers at our house before we had kids.  The boys love talking NBA with Dan. 

The second night we had dinner with Sarah and Joe and their boys. We often stay with them when we go to Hobart, but if we don't we always make sure we catch up.  There's always lots of laughs when we are with them.  

Jay had dinner with us both nights and we also went up to  his uni accommodation as Mum had never been there before.  He's just been made the Communications Officer (I think that's what it's called!) for Christ College (where he's staying) for 2021.  He's already doing lots of things for it including making posters for events which are happening.  He'll also be in charge of posting on their social media and writing newsletters etc.   It's perfect for him, especially since he's studying Media.  

He's having the best year there this year as he's made a lot of really good friends.   Harri went rock climbing with Jay and some of his friends one morning while we were there. 

I told my brother Eden a few weeks ago that we were planning on going to Hobart for  Noah's anniversary, and he decided to come down as well. They arrived the night before we left and were staying for a couple of nights to spend some time with my cousin who was also going down.  It was fun having them stay at the same hotel.  Kobe LOVED having his cousins to hang out and swim with. 

From our hotel room you could see the Royal Hobart Hospital which is where Noah and also Dad passed away.  It didn't make me feel sad, but more grateful for the love and care that the doctors and nurses showed them and us during that time. 

It was lovely to have some fun together in Hobart and to catch up friends and family and especially Jay.   Thanks Mum for this lovely photo of us. 

My life today is so different to what it was nine years ago. After Noah passed away Aaron and I didn’t know what to do with all the time we suddenly seemed to have. For ten years our lives were dedicated to helping him be as happy and healthy as possible, and suddenly we felt like we had nothing to do, despite having three other boys who needed us.

Time is such a strange thing. I’m grateful that time has helped me to learn how to cope with the waves of grief which always come. Other times I’m angry that time just keeps going on, and I’m sad that I’m forgetting how it felt to hold him and kiss his chubby cheeks.

I still feel like there’s a hole in my heart that can never be filled completely.

We try to fill that hole by creating new happy memories and it helps for a little while, but I always feel like a huge piece of me is missing.

I’m also grateful to feel that hole because  it reminds me of how lucky I was to be his mum.  It reminds me of a time when I was at my happiest, despite being physically and mentally exhausted. Noah gave us back more than we could ever give him and I would do it all over again if I could.