Six

I feel like a very slack Mum, because it's been three days since Kobe's birthday, and I still haven't posted about it.  I've been under the weather which hasn't helped, but I'm finally sitting down to do it.

Kobe's birthday actually crept up on me a bit.   I dread all birthdays now, and so I hadn't been talking about it very much with him, and suddenly I realised it was only a couple of weeks away.  When I told him he was so excited and started counting down the days.  

I feel sad to know that he's almost been here longer without Aaron and Noah, than the amount of time that they were here with him.    He said the other day 'when Dad died I was only three'.  It's hard to believe that he has already been through so much in his life, and even harder to know that he won't remember much about them as he gets older.  

When he realised his birthday was coming up he started to talk about it a lot and kept saying 'when I have my birthday party....' and just assumed we would be having one.  A party is the last thing I wanted to do, and I don't want the boys to expect that they can have a huge party every year, so I told him that we wouldn't be having a party this year.

I was waiting for the tears,  but I quickly told him how cool it was that he would be at school on his birthday, and he would see all of his friends anyway, and he could take cupcakes to share with them.  Luckily for me he was happy with that, so he went along happily to school with his cupcakes which I made.  It's lucky he's only six and I can still get away with making cupcakes, and school sound exciting!

All he really wanted for his birthday was The Lego Movie game for the WiiU.  He spends ages watching people play the game on YouTube, so he has been hanging out to get the game since we saw the movie together.   He was so happy when he opened it up.

 His other presents were to do with his favourite things - super heroes, football and Hawthorn.
He loved his new Hawthorn bear, and wanted me to put Jack Gunston's number on the back for him.
He spent the morning putting footy cards into his new album.

When we got home from school, there was a special treat left at the door for him, from my friend Simone.   Kobe (okay, actually everyone!) loves Simone's caramel slice.  After Aaron passed away Simone used to take Kobe for me one day a fortnight, so I could have some time to myself.  He would always come home with a huge container full of caramel slice that she had made while he was there.  A few weeks ago we were with Simone and her family, and she had made a lovely slice to share. She asked Kobe if he would like some, and he looked at it, and realised it wasn't caramel slice and sighed and said 'no thanks'.  He then muttered under his breath....'I thought it was caramel slice' and was so disappointed, and made us laugh.  He was very excited when I told him Simone had left him a special surprise.  He straight away yelled 'caramel slice!?'.

 

After school Alison came to visit.  She gave him his card first, which also had a chocolate in it. He was so cute when he opened it up, and was just so excited by the chocolate and didn't ask if there was a present too.  He was extra excited when he realised he was getting a present as well. 

This term at school is very busy for me, as I'm doing a nine week professional learning course which runs every Wednesday night for three hours.  There are between module readings and activities which we have to do in between the sessions and it's keeping me very busy.  I felt heart broken when I realised that Kobe's birthday was actually on a Wednesday this year, which meant I would be at work until 6.30.  I told Kobe that we would celebrate the night after his birthday, but I felt like the worst Mum in the world.  I hate that Aaron wasn't here to jump in and make his birthday extra special, while I was at work.

Luckily one of his best friend's from school has the same birthday as him.  She was having a birthday party after school, so it was nice that Kobe could go along to her party and have some fun while I was at my meeting.   

I hated Kobe's actual birthday because I just felt so stressed and tired and felt like it wasn't his birthday, because I hardly saw him all day.  Being six he really didn't notice, and still had a great day.  When I picked him up from his friend's house he was so happy and said he was too full for anything else, including the pizza and cake that we had talked about having when we got home.  We decided to skip pizza and save the cake for the night after.    Before he went to bed he got to talk to Grandma and Grandpa, and Facetimed his cousins and Uncles and Aunties.  

We've always had the tradition that you get to choose where you want to go for tea on your birthday.  Usually the boys choose McDonalds, but Kobe decided he wanted to go to Hogs Breath this year.   We decided to go the day after his birthday, so it wasn't rushed and we could enjoy it. 

Even though we are slowly adapting to life as just the four of us, it's always on days like birthdays when it hits you all over again and you realise how different and awful things are now.  It's hard to go out and celebrate when you feel like anything but. 
Aaron used to make most of the birthday cakes, and we have been lucky that the beautiful cupcake fairy has been making them for us the last couple of years.  This year she was away for Kobe's birthday, so I had to sort something out.  I hate baking and just don't have the time or energy to do it at the moment anyway, so I convinced Kobe that getting an ice cream cake would be great.  Luckily for me (again!) he agreed and was excited about his Cadbury ice cream cake with mini freddos in it.

Aaron's Dad and Step Mum came around the day after his birthday, and he was excited to get some money from them to buy something he wanted. He chose an iron man costume :)



Even though it wasn't really the birthday I had hoped for him, he had a lovely birthday.  He's such a good boy (most of the time!) and is so easily pleased.    I really don't know what life would be like without him. He brings so much joy into our family and I know that Aaron and Noah would both be so proud of him.