{Another} New Beginning

Sometimes things happen very unexpectedly.  Aaron passing away was obviously one of those things, but sometimes good things happen when I least expect them, just like selling our home so quickly after I put it on the market.   I love being a teacher aide for kids with special needs, and I know how lucky I was to get a job straight after Noah passed away, especially as I hadn’t done any paid work for over twelve years.  

I recently decided that I needed some time - time to just think, time to myself, and time to grieve.  It was a hard decision to make, but also an easy one because I just wasn’t coping with everything.  I felt really selfish because I hate letting people down, but I knew that I needed to do it for myself and for my boys, because they need me to be as well as I can be - physically and emotionally.

I decided to take some time off work, and two weeks off turned into a month.  It was hard having nowhere to go.  It was hard getting out of bed, but I made sure that I went to the gym every day because it gave me somewhere to go and something to do, that would hopefully help me feel better.  

During my month off work I did a lot of thinking.  It made me realise that I do love working, even though it can be so hard to do everything that I need to do as a single Mum.   Even though I had a month off I knew that it is going to be a long time before I really feel much better.  By the end of the month I couldn’t wait to get back to work to see the kids again, and I was looking forward to going back to work. 

During my month off work I was able to spend some time at the boy’s school, doing parent help in their classes and also volunteering in another class.  It was nice to remember what it was like when I was a teacher, before our boys were born.  

After I graduated from Uni, I only taught for two years before I had Jalen and decided to stay at home full time.   Being a stay at home Mum was a choice that I made and something I loved, and I know how blessed I was to be able to make that choice to stay home. 

Now that it’s just me and the boys, our life is very different.  With Kobe at school three days a week and knowing he will be at school full time next year, I know that I need to really think about what I want to do with my life, because my boys aren’t going to be around forever and I no longer have the choice to stay at home, as we don’t have Aaron’s income coming in.  

I now believe that I was meant to take that time off work for a few different reasons.  I needed to do it for myself physically and emotionally, but things turned out very unexpectedly.  During my time off I was very blessed to be offered a part time teaching job at the boy’s school starting next term. 

In the last month things have changed in my life so much.  I registered to teach again, and two days ago I signed my contract for my new job as a teacher, and yesterday I resigned from my job as a teacher aide.  

I’m really going to miss the kids and staff that I work with at Newstead Heights and it will always be a special place to me, especially as it was where Noah went to school part time, but I also know that it’s time to be more confident in myself and start teaching again.   

I’m especially going to miss ‘Prank Tuesday’ which the middle class does each week, where they love to play all sorts of tricks on different people.  I love watching the boys in that class who think it’s so funny if you pretend you have really been tricked.  

Because I'm just on contract I have no idea what I will be doing next year yet, but right now I know it's a change I needed to make.  I’m very nervous, but excited for my new job as a resource/support teacher.  It means I will be able to continue working with kids with special needs.  It’s nerve wracking because I haven’t taught for fourteen years, but I know I have a lot of experience because of having Noah, and through working at Newstead Heights over the past eighteen months.  

Right now we are going to enjoy our two weeks of school holidays, before my  new job starts.  Hopefully this will be the last big change in my life for a little while now, as I don’t think I can cope with anymore just yet.