An Honour and a Privilege

Who would've thought that it would be so hard to walk into this place for (hopefully) the last time.  For ten years this is where Noah went very regularly to see his paediatrician Dr B. The longest we had gone without seeing him was probably four months, and at times we would see him every week or two, depending on Noah's health or what was going on with him.

Last week I rang his office one last time.  His lovely wife is one of his receptionists and she answered the phone.  Dr B and his wife had both come to Noah's funeral, as well as his other receptionist which we were so touched by.  When she heard it was me on the phone she started crying again and said how much she missed us and had been thinking of us.  She then asked which boy I was ringing about, and I laughed and said I actually just wanted to organise a time to come in and catch up with them and drop something off.

I had no idea what to give them for caring for Noah for so long, but we loved the beautiful cupcakes that were given to us from Tim and Helene which was made by the Cupcake Fairy,  so we organised to get some made for them and bought some flowers and had a special card made up with photos of Noah and the family on the front. 


 We arranged a time and Aaron and I went in last week after he had finished with his patients for the day. We were both very anxious about seeing him as we knew it would be hard and we would be emotional.   Aaron had only dealt with Dr B mainly when we were in hospital with Noah and just a few visits, and was always anxious about seeing him anyway as every time he saw him it would remind him of the day that he told us that Noah had hydranencephaly and wouldn't live very long.

Both Dr B and his wife were so happy to see us.  It was actually really lovely to be there with him, to talk about life now without Noah and how we were coping and about Noah's last week and the day he passed away.   A month before Noah got sick I took him to see Dr B and at the time I was very concerned about him and made the comment 'I think he is shutting down'.  At the time Dr B didn't say anything but I knew he was thinking about what I said, and was possibly thinking the same thing (he doesn't give much away).  I asked him last week if he remembered me saying that and he said he did and said 'you knew him very well and Mum's always know best'.

We talked about how we had tried everything to help but in the end there was nothing else we could do, and I could see that and could see how tired Noah was.  He asked us what we had been doing since Noah passed away and we said how boring life is now and how we have no idea what people who don't have kids with special needs do all the time.  Dr B then laughed and said 'you'll have to spend time together now' which made us laugh.

We talked for about twenty minutes and it was actually really hard to wrap it up as I knew that it meant we were saying goodbye and kind of closing the door on another chapter of our lives with Noah.  I could tell Dr B. was the same - he kept wanting us to talk and stay as long as we wanted.  In the end I said that we just wanted to thank him so much for the last ten years and he said that he wouldn't usually say it was 'a joy' to care for someone, but he actually did think it was a joy.  He then said that it was an 'honour and a privilege' to care for Noah and like it was mentioned at Noah's funeral, people learnt a lot from Noah and he said that he actually learnt a lot from caring for Noah and also learnt a lot from me (He no doubt got sick of me hounding him to try this or that for Noah, but I believe that being proactive in Noah's care is what helped him to live a lot longer than was first predicted).  He said he was going to miss seeing us and I told him that I felt the same. That we had built up a good relationship over the ten years and it was hard to know that we wouldn't see each other anymore, unless I made the effort to stop in to say hello or unless any of the other boys ended up in hospital for something.

He told us how beautiful he thought Noah's funeral was and said as far as funerals go it was very special, and that we should be proud of our boys.  I told him I would definitely come to visit from time to time and let them know how we were doing.  When we said goodbye he shook Aaron's hand and gave me a HUGE hug, and we were all very emotional.   It's so nice to hear that Noah touched his life and that he felt it was an honour and a privilege to care for him.