Noah's gift to us

Looking back on last week I now see so clearly what was happening, but at the time I just hoped and prayed that Noah was going to surprise us and the doctors once again, and pull through.  I knew he as ready a month before he even got sick that he was getting ready to go, but was hoping I was wrong.

Last Thursday afternoon the doctors and nurses called Aaron and I into a meeting to let us know that they didn't think Noah was going to be strong enough to continue fighting.  I knew what they was saying was right, but they said they would continue to treat him until he really showed us more signs that he was ready, and until we were also ready.  I didn't say anything about it at the time as we needed to process it all ourselves, and we weren't sure which was it was going to go.

Straight after the talk with the doctors Noah woke up for hours and just looked at us, responded to us and showed us that he knew we were there with him.  At the time I was thinking that he was letting me know it was going to be okay....that he was okay....that we would be okay. 

And he was letting us know that.

It was Noah's last gift to us to let us spend a few hours with him awake...to let us know he was going to be okay, just in a way that would break our hearts more than we could imagine.   It is okay that he is gone because we know where he is and know he is no longer suffering. 

But it's just so hard to live without him. 

The next couple of days he slept most of the time, with just a little flicker of his eye lids now and then as we talked to him.  This video is so precious to me now.  It was Jalen saying goodnight to him on Thursday night.  Noah was so awake and it was so nice to see the interaction between them, and to hear Jalen say 'I love you Noah'.