Long Weekends

Weekends always seem long since Aaron passed away. Before if a weekend seemed long it would've been wonderful as it meant we had more time to relax together, before Aaron had to go back to work on Monday.   Now I don't really look forward to weekends at all as it just reminds me more of who and what we are missing.

Last weekend we had a busy weekend planned which I was happy about.  It's always nice to keep busy so the weekend doesn't drag too much.  On Saturday we went out to my Mum and Dad's house for the day.  My brothers Jared and Eden were also there and their families, so we had a nice day hanging out with everyone before having a BBQ tea.   I love watching all my nieces and nephews have rides in the trailer on the back of the four wheeler.

 

Chloe and Lachie gave Jay a late birthday present.  The wrapping paper was so cute as Chloe had drawn on it and had written 'Jay Day'. I think it sounds much better than 'birthday'.

We stayed the night at Mum and Dad's and had lots of laughs playing board games and just hanging out.  It's so pretty and peaceful out there and the sunsets are always incredible.

The next morning it was a beautiful spring morning.

On Sunday we went to church with Mum and Dad and then spend a lovely afternoon at the park with Simone and Simon and Jus and their kids.  It was a beautiful day and it's always nice to catch up with great friends.

After a lovely afternoon we then went to the Christie's house for tea.   Makayla and Gavin also joined us which was nice as they just got engaged and we hadn't met Gavin yet.

Gavin was very sneaky and turned a photoshoot with the amazing Alana (who took our photos in Queensland) into an engagement photo shoot - not just capturing an engaged couple, but capturing the moment that he actually proposed! You can check out the beautiful photos here.

We had a fun time at the Christie's and it was lovely to catch up with them as we hardly see each other anymore.  Tayla spoilt us by making iced chocolates before tea.  Harri thought it was awesome that we were having dessert before tea :)

Jack also came out for tea at the Christie's and the boys loved having him there to muck around with (don't you just love how we all have blogs!:)   All afternoon Kobe wanted to go for a walk to the sculptures near the river which he calls the 'Pokeballs'  (the boys are into Pokemon way too much!). He was so happy to go for a walk with Tayla and Jack and Makayla and Gavin to see them.

Two posers

After tea we decided to play 'sardines'.  As teenagers Jayne used to come up to our house a lot and we'd play it on Sunday nights.  The boys were so excited and loved running around the house in the dark, looking for the spot where everyone was hiding. Tayla definitely had the best hiding spot - unfortunately only Tayla and Jack could fit under there!

It was such a fun night and it helped make the weekend not only go fast, but we also had a lovely time.  I wish every weekend was the same way. 

Running for a Wish

Last October just a few weeks after Noah passed away, we went in the first ever 'Run for a Wish' in Launceston, which wass held to raise funds for the Make a Wish organisation.   

Noah was very blessed to receive a wish from Make a Wish.  It was so nice to make some happy memories as a family together as we knew our time with Noah would be short, and a lot of his early years were spent in and out of hospital.

We were excited to go inthe run as a family and were more than happy to help promote it because we knew what a great cause it was.  When Noah passed away it was one of the first things we thought about - that Noah wouldn't be there to do it with us, but it made us even more determined to go in to represent him. 

We were so happy to have so many friends join us, and it was even more special when my family surprised us by making t-shirts with Noah on them, to wear on the day.

This year our photo releasing balloons for Noah is featured on the Run for a Wish website.

Last year we were interviewed after the race for The Examiner.

The boys were so excited to get a medal last year. 

This years run is happening on Saturday and it isn't too late to register.  It's 6.4 km and you can either walk or run it.  I will definitely be walking with Kobe and other friends and family who have young kids.  It's a great day and there are even heaps of spot prizes given out on the day.  The money raised goes to a great cause - to raise money to grant wishes for children who have life threatening illnesses.  

You can register here. 

I want to go to Kinder!

It's hard to believe that Kobe will be starting school next year.  I'm happy for him as I know he's going to love it, but also very sad because he's my last to go to school and I will miss him a lot. 

Before Noah and Aaron passed away I was looking forward to him starting because I saw it as the first time in 13 years for me to have some time for myself.  I loved being a stay at home Mum but after being home full time for over 12 years, I was looking foward to having some days on my own.

Then when Noah passed away I felt very lost. I no longer had to watch the clock all day, or plan my whole day around Noah's needs after he got home from school.  If he was well enough to go to school I had to make sure that everything at home was organised before he got home, so my days have always been busy.

When Noah passed away I knew that I was ready to start working part time, and was very blessed to get a job straight away at the special school that Noah went to.  I didn't realise how blessed I really was until Aaron passed away as I realised that having a job wasn't just to give me something else to focus on, but was also necessary so we had a little bit of an income.
 
I love work, but I'm so glad that I'm only working part time because it's nice to still have days off with Kobe before he starts school.  Next year I hope that it works out so that I can work on the three days that he is at school, so that we still have two days at home together because now I just want to hold onto my days with him as long as possible.

It's so 'funny' how my thoughts have changed so much in the last 6 months or so.  Before I was looking forward to quiet days on my own, but now I dread them and want to keep as busy as possible.

Kobe would go to school every day next year if he was allowed to.  He is so excited about starting Kinder and has just started doing his pre-kinder sessions where he gets to go to school for an hour and a half on his own.

The first time he went he couldn't wait to pack his bag and go. 

He was so excited and was happy for me to leave straight away.

During the week he was supposed to go to his second session, but he had an awful cough for a few days and woke up coughing away.  I told him that I would have to take the day off work to stay home with him, so he could rest because he was too sick to go to daycare.

He was happy about that until he realised that he also couldn't go to pre-kinder.  He kept saying 'but my cough has gone now!' but would then start coughing a minute later.  I told him we had to take Harri to school, and he ran to his bedroom and yelled 'I'm getting my school hat!! I'm going to Kinder!'.  I told him he couldn't go and the whole way to school he kept crying.

When we got to school he walked in and kept saying 'I'm going to Kinder' and when I talked to the school Principal and asked her to remind Kobe that you couldn't go to school if you were sick, he threw his hat down on the ground in disgust and stomped off!

When it was time to go he kept yelling  and ran to the Kinder gate and stood on it screaming 'I want to go to Kinder!'.

I guess I wont have any trouble with him not wanting to go to school next year!

Harri's Christmas List

Whenever we are out shopping the boys seem to spot something they want.  If they have saved up enough pocket money then I'm happy for them to buy whatever they want (within reason) but if they don't have their own money then I tell them they have to wait to see what they get for their birthday or Christmas.

It usually works pretty well because they stop bugging me for whatever they want, but every time we go shopping the boys all look for things they want to add to their list.  I have to admit that most of the time I just nod my head and see 'wait and see' but never really remember what they wanted.  It's probably because by the time it's Christmas or their birthday they have told me a hundred things.

On the weekend Harri told me so many things that he wanted for Christmas that I told him he needed to make a list so I don't forget.  Next thing I knew he had typed it up on his iPod and emailed it to me (remember the good old days when you would actually hand write a letter to Santa and then mail it off!? ;)

This is his list.  I had to smile at the 'flowers for Dad and Noah'.  I asked him why he put that and he said he wanted to get them something for Christmas and he thought they'd like flowers at their graves.

The Possum Tree without Noah

When we lived at our old house I used to take a photo of the boys in front of a tree on the nature strip when it was in blossom.  It grew into a yearly tradition and it was fun to see how much the boys had grown from year to year.

Harri started to call it the 'possum tree' and when he would see the blossoms out he would yell 'it's time for the photo with the possum tree!'.   I can't get over how much Harri used to look like Kobe.

Noah's skinny phase

This was our last photo at the possum tree with Noah.  It was taken less than a month before he passed away.

We took this photo a few weeks ago.  I kept driving past our old house until we finally saw the tree was in blossom. It was sad not to have Noah in the photo, and I thought of all the years to come and how much the boys are going to grow - not just physically but also in many ways because of what they've been through.  I'm very proud of them all.

A Year

Since Aaron and Noah passed away whenever there is an anniversary or something coming up it's always the lead up to the day that is the hardest. I knew with it coming up to twelve months since Noah passed away that it was going to be a hard week so arranged to take a day off work so we could get away.

I find it much easier to deal with things at the moment to just go and do something different, rather than sitting around feeling sorry for myself.  It can be so easy to sit and dwell on what has happened, and although I'm always sad it's easier when we get away from home.  After Aaron passed away all I wanted to do was be home, but now I'm finding it's the opposite. I want to be anywhere but here.

Because Noah passed away in Hobart I always feel like I want to go back there, even though we have sad memories from there.   Aaron joked that he never wanted to go back to Hobart again, but we had gone back together after Noah passed away.   In lots of ways it makes me feel closer to Noah to be where he passed away, so the boys and I decided that for Noah's 'angelversary' we wanted to spend the weekend in Hobart.

I have friends in Hobart who I would've loved to have caught up with, but we decided that it was just going to be a family weekend and we would try to have as much fun together as possible.  We stayed for three nights and booked into a really lovely hotel which had a nice view and an indoor heated pool. 

We had a great view of the city from our hotel room

 and also a lovely view of the river and bridge.

It was so nice being so close to the docks.  We didn't use the car the whole weekend and just walked everywhere including getting fish and chips for tea at the docks one night.

 The boys were excited to stay in a hotel and loved that we all slept in the same room together.

Kobe was my bed buddy which meant I hardly got any sleep as he is such a wriggle worm. I had legs and arms all over me all night which made me tired and cranky, but then I would wake up to this cute face.

On Saturday morning we walked to Salamanca Market. The last time we were there was with Aaron and the boys kept saying 'remember when we came here with Dad' and would remember something that we did that day.

I couldn't pass up the fairy floss on a stick.  I did feel very sick afterwards!

Even though it was cold the boys all wanted snow cones because they remembered getting them with Aaron last time we were in Hobart.

The boys had been wanting to see the movie 'Hotel Transylvannia' since they saw an ad for it, so we went to watch it in 3D. It was a great movie and was very funny.

I usually hate paying for these sort of games, but couldn't resist playing a few with the boys.  Harri has the concentrating tongue going on like my whole family does.

The boys loved just walking around town doing some window shopping.

Even though we did a few fun things, what we loved the most was just swimming at the hotel pool every day.  It was really warm and we were lucky to have the pool to ourselves most of the time.
I actually think it was very therapeutic swimming every day for all of us. It was so nice seeing the boys have so much fun together.  They kept saying that they wished they had pool at home. 

 

We were so happy to meet Brodie up at the hospital.  Brodie was one of the beautiful nurses who was with us when Noah passed away.  I often think about her and the other lovely nurse who was with us and wonder what it must've been like for them as they started their shift, knowing that they were going to be there with a family as they said goodbye to their son.  We were so touched by the way they treated Noah that day.  They were so kind and thoughtful to us and everyone who came to say goodbye.

It was so lovely to have Brodie come to Aaron's funeral and meant so much to me that she and the doctor that was with us when Noah passed away, would make the effort to come especially when they don't really know us that well.

Brodie met us outside the NPICU at the hospital and then took us inside to 'Noah's room'.

Brodie had brought along some balloons and put them in Noah's room which was so nice. They were supposed to be Wiggle colours, but the purple one popped in the car on the way there.   It was nice to be in Noah's room, even though we have sad memories from there.  The day that we said goodbye to him was sad, but also very special as we had no doubt that Noah was ready to go and felt at peace with everything at the same time.

My first ever Instagram photo I ever put up was of Aaron and the boys leaving the hospital, the day after Noah passed away.  I remembered that while we were there, so I made sure I got a photo of the boys walking out of the same entrance together.  They cracked me up laughing as Harri kept posing and would smile when he came out. I laughed and told him it was okay not to pose, so they decided to do a 'take two' and every time they would come back out they would crack up laughing.  I love this photo of them as it shows that even thought we are so sad every day, that we still have moments when we laugh so much that we almost wet ourselves!

On Monday which was Noah's 'angelversary' we spent some time in the sun at the Botanical Gardens.  It was such a beautiful day and I couldn't help but think that Noah once again turned on the weather for us.

We then had lunch and couldn't pass up Cold Rock before driving back home.

After we got home we took some balloons to the cemetery and let them go.  When we got there we realised how much Noah's grass had grown and Kobe and I went back today to trim it.

It's so hard to believe that it's been a whole year.  It's been the fastest year of my life, and also the hardest year. I hope that means that time is going to keep going fast because I can't wait for the day when I will see Noah and Aaron again.